The Marauder's Advice To YOUR Problems
by PadfootLoverr
Summary: The Marauder's give advice to the population of Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

The marauder's advice to YOUR problems!

Lily – Normal

Sirius – **Bold**

James – Normal underlined

Remus – _Italics _

Peter – _**Bold Italics

* * *

**_

_Hi everyone and welcome to the marauder's advice to-_

**BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, no one cares what it's called!**

_Still it was rude to interrupt me!_

**No one cares, please don't lecture me, I don't care about your views towards life.**

Go and snog someone in the broom closet Black, I thought It was one of your daily activities.

**Evans why can't you ever be nice to me?**

Hmmm that could be because you are arrogant, egotistical, a womaniser AND you are so immature, that goes for Potter too.

**I'm too cool to be mature.**

Your definition of 'cool' is different to everyone else's, Padfoot. 

_We should get on with some questions._

**Here is mine – Moony why are you such a moron? **

_If you don't shut up my foot is going to go somewhere no foot has ever been before!_

**MOONY!

* * *

**

Q. – To James and Sirius, why do you always go for pretty girls? – Wondering-beauty

* * *

Because they are egotistical jerks.

**Evans I believe this questions was directed at me and Prongs. I also believe that the title of this is called 'The marauder's advice' are you a marauder? NO! **

How dare you insult Lily, she can be a marauder if she wants!

Trust me potter I would never want to be a part of your little 'club'.

**I'll have you know we have people lining up to join our group.**

Yes Black, I'm sure.

Back to the question, I do not always go for the pretty girls!

Yes you do.

But the ugly ones are just so, so ugly. 

**You got that right!**

Do you see what I mean by arrogant and egotistical?

**The ugly ones just don't live up to mine and Prong's standards!**

_The only problem with pretty girls is that most of them are mean, at least the girls you call 'average' have a personality. _

See Potter, that's why I like Remus, you and Black just go for girls with outer beauty, Remus goes for the girls with inner beauty.

**That's because Moony is gay.**

_WHAT?_

_**How did you draw up that conclusion?**_

**I can tell by the way he looks at me.**

_Padfoot, are you mentally retarded or something?_

**He gives me the 'I want you look' I get it from girls all the time.**

I think your mistaking it for the 'you repulse me' look.

**You cut me deep Evans.**

_We are getting way off topic._

Well, it's like what Padfoot said before the ugly ones just don't live up to our standards. 

And what are your standards, Potter?

Wouldn't you like to know.

That is why probably why I asked.

**Well for me the girls just have to be pretty and not fat. **

You are so shallow.

Evans, any girl like you would live up to my standards.

NEXT QUESTION PLEASE!

* * *

Q. What girls/ boys do you go for? – Unlucky-in-love

* * *

**Unlucky in love, if you're pretty meet me in the broom closet later.**

God, Black, you don't even know who this person is.

Yeah, she could be a slytherin!

**Okay, I rephrase that, if you're pretty and not in slytherin meet me in the broom closet. **

That sounds like a romantic date.

**You can be afters if you want, Evans.**

I'll pass, I'd rather drowned myself.

Evans is MINE! Back off Sirius.

I'm not one of your possessions Potter, not like your stupid broom.

**I can't believe it, your woman just insulted Quidditch!**

Again with being one of Potter's possessions, I do not want anything to do with Potter!

My ideal woman would be tall, with long red hair, green eyes and she would have to be good at charms.

Potter, you just basically described me!

Yes now you can describe me! You might want to add sexy, gorgeous and has the best hair ever. 

**Yeah but then she would be describing me!**

I would want someone who is the total opposite of Potter and Black.

**So you want someone ugly, stupid and has bad hair? – So Snivellus really?**

Haha good one Padfoot!

Severus? No I do not like Sev, he is my friend unlike you guys!

_So I'm not your friend?_

I didn't mean you Remus.

**Why do you call someone as greasy as Snape your friend, but not us?**

She doesn't call me her friend because I'm her boyfriend!

Severus is my friend because he is funny, kind and isn't arrogant, unlike you.

**I must have been looking at a totally different person these last few years.**

Me too!

_**Me three!**_

_I don't agree with you, Snape isn't all that bad._

**I can't believe you are you marauder or not? **

_Yes I am but I don't agree with you always bullying snape!_

**That's what we live for!**

Yup.

**Moony has always been a bad egg, I guess it's just me and you Prongs, against all of the death eaters and friends of death eaters. **

_**Hey! I agreed with you. **_

**Yes but your just a brainless twat who always agrees with us because you don't have your own opinion. **

That was a bit harsh.

**Yes, I guess it was, you can come and be on our side if you want Wormtail. I'm sorry if I kill you Moony! But it was you who decided to turn to the dark side! **

_**Thanks Sirius.**_

**Its okay, together we will fight the sources of EVIL and we will WIN!**

_Don't mind Sirius everyone, he is always off in his own little world._

**HEY!

* * *

**

Q. I really like this guy, what can I do to make him like me? Lessonsforlove

* * *

You should do nothing, you shouldn't change for a boy to like you.

**Evans, stop poisoning the population of Hogwarts.**

Its true Sirius, girls only do this to themselves because of egotistical jerks like you!

That's right. I still love Lily, and she didn't change at all.

Shut up Potter.

**For girls to get my attention they must:**

**(a) Where make-up**

**(b) Wear very fitted clothing**

**(c) Not be fat**

**(d) Shower me with gifts**

**(e) Make me the centre of there attention.**

Sorry to stop you Padfoot but if you carry on there will not be enough letters left for you to use.

Sirius you are the shallowest person I know, apart from James.

Why do you always insult me when you're trying to insult Sirius?

It's a gift Potter, a gift.

You're a cruel one Evans.

Well, what can I say?

_Lessonsforlove, the answer to your question is, to get this boys attention you should be yourself. This boy should then become comfortable around you, he then could ask you out._

**I told you he was gay.**

_**How do you know this stuff Moony?**_

_I just do._

**Only gay guys know about women's feelings.**

I will never call you gay again Sirius, you know very little about women's feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all, and welcome to the second part of our amazing advice, what a beautiful day it is, when I could be outside playing Quidditch, JAMES! 

Padfoot, you said that we should start writing an 'advice thing' so you of all people should give up some time and write to it.

**Ooh what's got your wand in a knot? Did she say 'no' again?**

How did you guess?

**When your hurt James, I'm hurt, when you have problems I have problems, when-**

_Stop with all the gushy-ness Padfoot, it doesn't suit you to suck up. _

After we have answered a few questions Padfoot we will go and play Quidditch.

**On second thought I might not, I feel rather sick.**

_You were fine hopping about the common room earlier._

I get the feeling that you have committed a crime, what have you done?

**Well, you know the other night when you said I could borrow your broomstick? Well, while I was on the pitch I saw that girl, I think her names Melanie. She called me over and I sped down on the broom, I must say Prongs its amazing. Well, it got a scratch on it, I'm sorry. **

You're SORRY? Is that all you can say?

**Blame Melanie, you can't blame me, you should she how hot she is. You can't see me NOT going to see her. **

_I'd run if I were you Padfoot, he is getting that twitch, what he gets when he is mad. _

**Prongs, if you don't back away now I'll tell McGonagall you stole her knickers. **

_**Didn't you steal them for a dare? **_

**Yeah but I can just blame Prongs. She loves me, she's bound to think I'm telling the truth. **

_**RUN!!!**_

I'm sorry I'm late guys, what's wrong with you Potter?

Oh, nothing my Lilyflower. 

**Nothing? You were just about to kill me!**

What did you do Black?

**ME?**

_**Now Padfoot looks like he is going to murder someone, wow him abd Prongs both do that face so well. **_

**I'm going.**

_No, Sirius don't, don't get in a paddy. Paddy get it? Padfoot – paddy? Haha._

Moony that was the worse joke ever.

_It tickled me._

_**I thought it was quite funny.**_

**Well, Wormtail I bet you didn't even get it. **

_I think we should move on things are getting out of hand.

* * *

_

Q. Remus: I LOVE YOU!! Anyways, I'm almost out of books to read. Do you think you could give me a few suggestions?

* * *

**Wow, someone loves you Moony.**

_Why do you seem so surprised?_

Yeah last week he got asked out by that girl.

**That's a nice name.**

_And you said my joke was bad._

**It wasn't bad, it was awful.**

_Well thanks, but I might get back to answering the question. _

**Go on then enlighten us with the whole 'book talk'.**

_Well, I have to say one of my favourite books of all time, is probably Hogwarts: A history. If you haven't read it I would advise you to do so, this is because you will find out about the past and the secrets of Hogwarts._

No offence but none of us will read it, we are the masters of Hogwarts.

We don't care about you and your little 'fantasy world'. Go away.

**Hey, we do know the ALL of the secrets of Hogwarts.**

_I assure you that you don't, this is because Dumbledore himself doesn't know about all of the secrets of Hogwarts. _

**Whatever.**

_By the way, if you want to find a good book, take a browse through the library, I have found many good books from doing this._

**I don't read books, I read magazines.**

Yes, and we all know what magazines you read.

**Hey, you read them too.**

_Stop it, we have a girl in the room, I'm sure she doesn't care about your 'magazines'._

Your right, I do not care what those two idiots get up to in their spare time.

**You're just jealous. **

About what exactly, Black?

**You just are.**

That was such a brilliant comeback.

* * *

Q. Sirius -Your hair is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous (but Lily's is better!). I was just wondering how you get it so shiny, because my hair, while nice-looking, is nowhere near as shiny or soft.

* * *

Why didn't this person mention my hair? Mine is the best of all.

**Yes, maybe, but this person wants the get-girls-with-great-hair-look not the just-got-out-of-bed-look. **

Padfoot, I'll have you know it's the just-got-off-my-broom-look. 

We don't care, just answer the question Black!

**My hair is better than yours any day Evans.**

Black, the question clearly states, I quote 'but Lily's hair is better'.

**Yeah, but the questioner wants to know how to get great hair like mine so there! HA!**

_**Sirius, answer the question.**_

**Wow Peter you have spoke for ages, where have you been.**

_**Sitting here being annoyed by you!**_

**Ooo, someone's mardy.**

Black, some of us have a life, just answer the question.

**Ok then.**

Black, if you don't start I will rip of your head and hang it on the school gates.

**Arrghhh, a fiery red head! I shall tell.**

Come on Sirius.

**Well, before you can get lovely hair like mine, you must purchase Dr Shine's Hair Care Shampoo and Conditioner. You can get it with owl order, you just get the quibbler and-**

The quibbler?

**Huh?**

You said you would never read that trash.

**I only buy it so it can lead me to shiny and smooth hair.**

_Carry on._

**Wow moony you're hanging on to my every word!**

_Erm, no I'm not, just carry on, I'm bored._

**Go away then.**

_No Sirius I will go when this is finished._

**Ha, I told you he wanted great hair like mine.**

Whatever, just get on with it.

**And all this time, you were trying to get in the bathroom while I was doing my hair, to steal my hair products, I thought you fancied me Moony.**

Black, no one cares about your tormented past GET ON WITH IT!

**Oh ok where was I? Ah yes. You must get the little coupon on the back of the quibbler send it of and, well it tells you all of this on the back of the coupon. Well on the back of the shampoo and conditioner it tells you to wash rinse and repeat. DO NOT FOLLOW THIS! To get great hair like mine you must not repeat.**

Is that it?

Yeah Padfoot I always thought you had a mysterious way to get shiny hair, not something so stupid any one could figure out. 

**It's not stupid. If you don't want good hair then, don't follow it.**

Don't worry, Black, none of us will.

**You can't fool me! Tonight all of you will be doing this.**

_**Where has moony gone?**_

**Probably to wash, rinse and NOT repeat like me. **

Black? How come you always turn the conversation to yourself?

**It's a gift.**

I would say it's more of a curse than a gift.

* * *

Q. Lily - I like this guy. How do I tell if he likes me back?

* * *

**How would she know, her list consists of Zero, zip, zilch, nada. **

Hey, she is going out with me, so her love life consists of more than that.

Potter, let me put it this way, if you were the last guy on the earth, I still wouldn't go out with you. So stop asking me.

_Now that's saying something. _

_**Hey Moony, your back.**_

Your hair looks well shiny.

**I told you he was going to wash, rinse, and NOT repeat. **

Get over it Black, but I must saying Remus your hair looks really shiny.

**My work here is done. **

_Thanks everyone._

**I'm brilliant. **

You are not Black, you did one thing right, so shut up.

**If you come down with shiny hair tomorrow, you shall be named a hypocrite. **

Lily, how come you didn't write back? That was about a minute.

I'm just shocked that with Black's pea sized brain he managed to use the word hypocrite in a sentence correctly.

**Jealous much?**

Not really Black, it's not a great accomplishment.

_What was the question?_

It was about this person who wanted to get this boy to like her back.

**Haven't we answered a question about this before?**

For once in your life Black, I think you are correct.

**That's twice in one day, I'm getting good!**

Well, the answer to this question is do not change yourself to get a guy to like you.

**Oh I remember this question! It was when we finally found out that Moony is gay!**

_If you say that one more time I am going to tell everyone you named your broom Mr. Windy-wobbler_

**Moony, come out the closet! I said that because you just told everyone about Mr. Windy-wobbler. How dare you, he shall kill you in your sleep tonight.**

Black, we are in seventh year, I can't believe you could be such an immature idiot.

**If you don't shut up Evans, he shall kill you in your sleep too!**

I'm sorry everyone but this is the end to this edition because we must go and give Padfoot his pills. 


	3. Chapter 3

Third Edition – finally!

**How long is this stupid answering going to go on for? It wastes my time!**

_You agreed to do it, so you have to stick it out until the end._

Hi Remus, Potter, Black-

Why do you call Moony by his first name and us by our last?

This is because Remus is my friend you two are more of acquaintances.

**You are the kindest person I have ever met (sarcasm intended)**

_I think we could tell you were being sarcastic with out you pointing it out._

_**Can we start answering questions? I'm bored.**_

**Your always bored when your not eating, fatso.

* * *

**

Q. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you?

* * *

**Well, that's an easy one.**

I don't know, but the best thing that WILL happen is when Lily will say 'I Do'.

Sorry to disappoint you but this little fantasy will never happen.

A boy can dream and wish until you are mine.

You will be dreaming and wishing for a long time, because I will never be yours.

**Can I be best man? Pete can be bridesmaid he would look utterly fabulous in a dress.**

_**Not likely Padfoot. **_

Why do you always bully Peter?

**He is such an easy target.**

_**I am not. **_

Go somewhere Black anywhere, but don't come back. Leave us in peace and tranquillity.

**The best moment in my life was when I left my stinking family and went to live with James. **

What has that got to do with the conversation?

**I was answering the question!**

Oh.

**Ha I proved you wrong!**

Yeah, for the first time in your life!

**Whatever, antler boy.**

Shut up!

**Did I touch a nerve?**

_The best moment in my life was when I met Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. _

**Moony, your making me blush!**

_That's really sweet Remus! But I bet you get annoyed when you have that idiot taking the piss._

_**Mine is probably the time when I met you guys too.**_

**See! I told you he has no ideas of his own! What a brainless twat!**

Padfoot – too harsh.

**Whatever, Evans what was the best moment in your life?**

When she met me of course.

Not likely, Potter. Probably the time when I found out I was a witch.

**Your just one letter off.**

_**Didn't you always know you were a witch?**_

Peter, I'm muggleborn.

**Idiot!**

Leave him alone, Black. You're the shallow idiot.

**You were thinking the same thing, he has known you since second year, and we are now in seventh year. Anyway, atleast I know I'm good looking, hot, fit- **

Not to mention modest.

_James, when was the best moment in your life?_

When I met Lily, or when I was made Quidditch captain for Gryffindor. 

Potter must you always mention me in everything?

Lily, everything about me, is to do with you.

**Evans, spare all of our lives and just say YES! **

He didn't ask me anything.

**It was obvious he was going to ask you out.**

Lily? Will you go out with me? PLEASE!

I will obviously say no if you beg.

Ok, don't go out with me, I never really liked you anyway. It was a joke between me and Padfoot. 

Really?

Yup. 

_Lily, why do you look so sad?_

She wants me.

I'm just shocked and relived that you're going to stop.

Lily, it was a joke! I love you more than anything! Why would I stop asking you out?!?

Just when I thought things were getting good.

* * *

Q. James and Sirius, how many people have asked you to go to the school dance?

* * *

Why would anyone ask them?

**Well they could go for the fit bad boy or the Quidditch star. What's not to like?**

Exactly, why go for someone 'average' when you can have the hottest guys in school?

**Ha, Prongs. Remember yesterday when Pete said to that girl 'I don't have a date for the dance yet.' And she said-**

'I can see why'. I was trying not to wet myself!

At your age Potter, I would have thought you would be potty trained.

My heart is bleeding now. :(

**Cheer up Jay. You got asked to the dance yesterday.**

Yeah I have already given definate maybes to six girls.

**Well, I've turned down seven- including McGonagall. **

If you two had any decency you would go with the first girl who asked you.

Why settle when I want to wait for you Lily Billy.

Call me that again and you will wake up breathing through a tube.

**I never knew she was that scary Prongs! You're in for a rough ride!**

As much as I would love to go with you Lils, I think I will go with that girl, Harriet. Remus who are you going with?

_Well, Emma asked me a few days ago so-_

**Emma? You mean Emma Mason? I have been asking her to meet me in the broom closet for about a year. Tell her I'm amazing Moony!**

_To put it bluntly, no._

**Why not?**

That's probably because she asked Remus to go to the dance.

**When she has me, why would she want Remus?**

Black, that's probably because you're always after one thing!

**I wonder, what could that 'one thing' be?**

First years could be reading this Black!

Sirius, you know earlier? When you said that thing about McGonagall, you were lying right?

**No, me and McGonagall are soul mates. **

_Why do you always go on about McGonagall?_

**For a woman in her sixties she is quite fit.**

_Padfoot, that's just wrong._

**It's better than being gay, like you!**

_I am not gay you idiot._

Black, if Remus got asked out by a girl the other day, which he really likes. How can he be GAY?

**God Evans, you have issues.**

Not as much as you, Black.

* * *

Q. Sirius, I miss you sitting in front of me in transfiguration. Your hair used to flicker in the light, please move back. – tormented soul.

* * *

What's that for a question?

**Obviously Prongs, someone else appreciates my perfect hair. **

_My hair is quite good now._

**Only because you have been taking tips from me.**

_**Still he has really good hair.**_

**Mine is better.**

Don't be so childish Pads, answer the question mate. Quidditch in ten. 

**I will not move, I am sorry to say. This is because McGonagall cannot see us very well from a distance. So you have two options, enjoy my hair from afar, or simply move behind me. **

You shallow pig.

**Whatever Evans, you're just jealous because you want to sit behind me, the gorgeous one.**

What so I can't see above your humongous head?


	4. Chapter 4

**Woop, woop. Were on number 4!**

_Why are you so happy?_

**No reason.**

My guess is that either he got lucky last night, or because the new years party is tonight.

**Both!**

_**Who was it last night, Padfoot?**_

**Keep you fat nose out you, just because you haven't had any action.**

Again with the bullying, Black! Anyway I'm not going to the party.

Why not my Lilyflower?

Stop calling me that Potter. The reason for me not going is because last year your friend got drunk and punched Severus in the face.

**I do that everyday anyway so why would I have to be drunk?**

Well Black, do you sing ring-a-ring-a-roses or ask Remus to meet you in the broom closet everyday?

He does actually.

**Actually I don't think it could have made Snape any uglier. In fact I think it was quite good for him. **

Why is that, idiot?

**After I punched him he left the party and started blubbering. I was happy after he left. Evans you should have been thanking me. **

Black?

**Yes?**

Go die.

**You are so lovely and kind I can see why Prongs loves you. **

Potter doesn't love me, he can't be in love when he is only seventeen!

Lily, I've loved you since fourth year, why can't you see it? Why do you think I always ask you out, it is obviously not to embarrass you. If I wasn't serious I would have stopped asking you by now.

**Hey! You're not Sirius I am!**

_Sirius! Not the right time._

Potter I understand that you have a weird infatuation with me. But you ask me out everyday. The day doesn't feel right if you have asked me. I dread the next day, thinking up the next awful thing you're going to do.

It isn't awful. At least I don't call you a mud – you know. Snape does and your still friends with him. 

Potter what about 'a song for my Lilyflower'? What about the Halloween ball last year, you asked me to dance while throwing punch at Severus!

But don't you see Lily? At least my heart is in it.

**Can't you finish your love fest later? I want to answer questions.**

Potter, Black is one of the reasons I always say no because 'a song for my Lilyflower' was written by him. I could tell. If you had wrote it, it would have been better than it was.

Ok, Lily I'm sorry. I mean it.

* * *

Q. The names Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, what do they mean? I heard you using them in the hall the other day.

* * *

They don't mean anything. Just something cool we made up, what clever boys we are.

**It's simple. Wormtail means rat really, so Peter is a rat because he squealed on us to McGonagall in first year.**

Padfoot resembles a dog's foot. Dog's have fleas so therefore this is Sirius.

**Hey. I do not have fleas!**

We all no you have some 'diseases' Black.

**Moony is Remus because he showed off his 'moon' in fourth year. **

_No I didn't._

**Yes you did.**

_**He-ka-is-trying-ka-to-ka-cover-ka-up-ka!**_

**Peter! You idiot everyone knows what that says.**

Yeah you could have just said it instead of writing it down. 

Well, what do those names mean?

**Nothing my dear.**

Please don't call me that, it's really creepy because you waggle your eyebrows when you say it.

_He does that when he talks to me too. He calls me gay, but I think he is trying to cover up for himself._

**I'm not gay.**

_**Yeah we believe you. Hey! I used sarcasm!!**_

**You idiot, you don't point out that you are using sarcasm.**

_Padfoot, if my memory serves me correct in the last segment you added 'sarcasm intended' at the end of your sentence._

Ha! You got owned!

**Shut up you. It's cool when I do it, but look! Wormtail is copying me again. I don't know why you stick up for him he isn't that innocent!**

We only stick up for him because we don't like you.

* * *

Q. Sirius, I would like to go out with you one night. I'm a Gryffindor, but first I would like to know how many girls on average do you see a week?

* * *

**About five.**

Five?!?

**Yeah I have Mondays and Sundays off for Quidditch.**

Potter are you as bad as this?

_James only goes out with girls he likes. Sirius goes out with anyone who isn't in Slytherin._

**Except the insane ones who try to shave of my eyebrows when I'm asleep.**

_**Why would anyone want to do that?**_

**No comment. **

Oh yeah, remember when he told us that little 'incident'. 

**If you don't shut up this minute I will go and get that picture you drew of Evans.**

Shutting up.

What picture?

Nothing Lily, Sirius is just joking. 

Sirius why don't you want a proper relationship with a girl who has a personality, and not just go for what she looks like.

**It's boring, you have to go out on dates just to get something out of it.**

Is that all you want?

**Mostly, yes.**

_See Lily, James isn't as bad as him._

**Yeah but at least the girls know what I want, so I don't have to break their heart later.**

One day these girls are going to make a pact and try and destroy you.

**No they wouldn't they love me too much.**

Black, you are the shallowest person I know, it makes me laugh.

**What in a friendly funny way, or in an i hate you way.**

Neither it just makes me laugh.

**Prongs, I think I've just been put in the running for Evan's heart.**

You haven't Black, I'd rather go out with Potter than you.

_Lily, I know you will hate me after this but why don't you give him a chance?_

Who Sirius? If you just suggested him I will definitely hate you.

_Sirius? No James. _

**You're talking like I'm not here.**

It's the closet thing to you not being here.

_Well Lily, what do you say, give James a chance?_

Remus, we will talk later ok? We can finish this first.

_Ok._

**Prongs, I think you could be in with a chance.**

She only said that to get Moony to shut up.

**Whatever.**

_Padfoot, you have the attention span of a squirrel. Rap up the question._

**Why me?**

It was directed to you.

**Okay then. Right 'questioner' I will go on a 'date' with you. On average I see five girls a week so you have to know what you're in for.

* * *

**

_Later – between Lily and Remus.

* * *

_

_Lily why won't you give him a chance? He practically poured his heart out to you earlier._

He just wants to see how far he can get with me. It's probably a bet he had between him and Sirius.

_Lily you know that's not true. He loves you and I know you love him._

Who told you that?

_Marion._

Marion told you?

_Yes, so I know it's true._

Why didn't you say anything to James?

_You're my friend; I wouldn't tell him your secrets._

Thanks Remus.

_I suggest you tell him though, Lily._

I can't Remus.

_Do you want me to tell him?_

No, that's too cowardly, I will tell him soon.

* * *

**Sorry for this chapter taking a few days, my internet has been down so it has been working.

* * *

**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is getting totally boring now, its driving me insane. EVERY WEEK PRONGS!**

I am not your agony aunt, so fuck off!

**Really can I go?**

Shut up, you know what I meant, idiot.

**Well, you should clarify your answers before you write them or you will have someone as smart as me pointing them out.**

Black, Crabbe from Slytherin is smarter than you.

**But does he have dashing good looks like me?**

A piece of crap is better looking than you, Padfoot.

_You got that right._

**Moony everyone knows you have the hots for me, there is no need to bottle up your feelings.**

_If I fancied you, you would have thought I would have tried it on by now._

**I don't know how a gay man's mind works.**

Sirius, you're obsessed with Moony being gay.

**Your point?**

I think he means, Black, that you ask Remus so much, its like you want him to be gay.

_**There are a lot of weird things about you.**_

**Like what?**

_**You think McGonagall is fit.**_

You 'see' about five different girls a week and you never want a proper relationship.

You're a perverted slob.

_You like to jump around our dorm in your boxers singing 'I'm too sexy'._

**What is it? Pick on Sirius day?**

_My favourite day of the year.

* * *

_

Q: My friend has a confidence problem. She is self conscious about her looks (Problem that will go away in time, every other girl in her family had to deal with it) and has to put up with teasing. How do I get her self confidence up? She needs to be more assertive and needs to stop being a doormat.

* * *

**If your friend is fit and needs a confidence booster tell her 'I'll drop by'. That ought to make her a bit more confident.**

This person is trying to give their friend confidence, so this means she does not want to be judged on her looks!

**What's a better confidence booster than making out with me?**

Or me? I'm just as good as you Padfoot, maybe even better!

**I'm sure!**

You want to take this outside Black?

**I'm right behind you, Potter!**

Don't guys! Break it up!

**Bring it Potter!**

Aren't you going to try and stop them from killing each other?

_They are really good actors, Lily. Always have been always will be._

What do you mean?

_They are playing up for an audience which unfortunately today, consists of yourself._

**Aw, Moony! You gave it away, she was falling for it too.**

I must say Black. I was really putting my money on Potter. What I would give for you to be out of my life.

One day Lily I will save you from him and then to my utter delight I will be branded with the nickname 'Lily Evans' Knight in Shining Armour.'

I must say Potter, you have an overactive imagination.

_**Is she insulting you or not?**_

Mildly.

**Pete do you vanish on random occasions because you don't normally write much.**

_**No, I just have nothing much to say.

* * *

**_

Q. Lilly – why don't you give James a chance? He is gorgeous, funny and clever. If I had a guy like him chasing me, I would say yes in a second.

* * *

Lily, what do you say?

James, what's the point?

In what?

Going out with you.

**You called him James! OMG!**

It's a name, Black, get over it.

The point? I love you.

_**Go on Lily!**_

You just want to parade me around on your arm like the other girls, to let everyone know that I am yours.

**Okay then Lily, if it was between me and Prongs, who would it be?**

Well, obviously neither, but if I had to pick I'd pick James. I would catch something if I went out with you.

**I have nothing you can catch.**

How do you know?

**I'm not stupid, like I'd take the risk of getting the girl pregnant or catching something. **

God, Black I never knew you were sensible.

**Exactly, I'm not the stupid man-whore you always make me out to be.**

No your not, just a sensible man-whore.

**Wow, a complement off Lily Evans herself, I feel privileged!**

You should.

**Now I'm a sensible man-whore, can I ask you a question?**

If you must.

**Go out with James?**

No.

If you gave me one chance you would be begging to go out with me again.

I'm not that desperate, Potter.

One date!

_Go on, Lily._

**You know you want to, babe.**

Just because I called you sensible, doesn't mean you can call me babe. God you're such an annoyance.

**A sexy annoyance that everyone goes for, even Remus.**

_**There you go again! You're dying for Moony to say he is gay.**_

**At least I don't pop in now and again to write my opinion, fatty.**

_**Yeah well, so what?**_

**What a great comeback. How do you think up great things like that? Enlighten me with more!**

_Way to be sarcastic._

**A natural gift.**

No, the only natural gift you have is to be annoying.

Well said, Potter.

_Well, are you going to go out with him then?_

Please Lily.

Just one date.

Yahoo!

**How immature, Prongs.**

_Leave him alone; do you, Lily I think you have made him happier than when we won the Quidditch game last year._

**God, I never knew James was such a social reject.**

_He is as much as one as you are._

So a big one then?

**Anyway now James and Lily are in love, how about you and me, Hogsmeade Saturday?**

We are not in love!

I know I am!

_No im okay, Padfoot, we can go as friends though._

_**Hey what about me?**_

**Well, you're a big step down from the gorgeous Moony, but if I must-**

_**I'll pass.

* * *

**_

**Sorry about this chapter guys, it's not my best. Please don't be too harsh with the reviews. **

_-__xBlack-Magicx-

* * *

_


	6. Chapter 6

_**OMG! We are on number six already. **_

**OMG! I didn't know you could count that high.**

_**I can count to ten!**_

**What a clever boy you are.**

_How did the date go?_

Perfect.

It wasn't as awful as I thought it would be.

How about somewhere else next time?

Who said there would be a next time?

But you said it wasn't awful! Can we go out again some time?

I'll think about, Potter.

**Hey, I forgot! Guess what Monday next week is?**

_Please say it's the day you move to the other side of the world._

**It's my birthday!**

Joy.

**Evans, what are you going to get me?**

Oh, I don't know, how about a knife to stab you with?

**What's wrong with you?**

_Sirius, we all hate your birthday._

**Thanks.**

Do you know why we hate your birthday?

**Why?**

_**Let's see.**_

_1.__You make us stay up until 12__°__clock to wish you a happy Birthday._

2. At 5 in the morning, you jump up and down on your bed demanding presents. 

_**3. If people do not remember that its your birthday, you burst into to bogus sobs hoping for comfort.**_

I feel sorry for you guys having to live with him.

That's nothing, he lives at my house now.

I've never felt as sorry for you as I have now.

**You'd love to live with me, Evans.**

I think if I had to live with you, I would kill myself.

* * *

Q. What annoys you the most?

* * *

Black annoys me the most.

_I agree._

Me too.

**Well, all of you annoy me. I don't know why I am your friend.**

_**Slytherins annoy me.**_

Yeah, Slytherins are annoying. 

**And stupid.**

They are all ugly too.

**Evans? Why do I annoy you?**

Just the little things you do annoy the hell out of me.

**Moony why do I annoy you?**

_You think I'm gay and you always try and get people to believe it. _

**James?**

Everyone is annoying. 

That's true. You are annoying, Potter.

Come on, Lily, I'm not as annoying as I used to be.

I don't know, you can have your moments.

Moony you're annoying sometimes.

_Why is that?_

**You're never mean to anyone.**

_Is that a bad thing?_

Yes, especially when we are pranking, you try and get us out of doing it. 

**I love pranking! It's so much fun.**

It maybe funny for you, Black. But what about the people who are at the other end of your pranks.

**God! Do you have to take the fun out of everything?

* * *

**

Q. Sirius, do you prefer to have your hair straight or curly?

* * *

**Well, I'm not really sure, it's nice to have a change.**

You have it curly for Quidditch.

**Yeah, my hairs naturally curly, so if I have it straight for Quidditch and it rains, it will go messy and curly! God, Prongs don't you know the rules of hair?**

Potter your hair is naturally messy. Isn't it?

Yes.

**I think for dates, I'd have it straight. **

_My hair is too short too mess about with._

**Why don't you grow it out Moony?**

_I don't know, it takes you about an hour a day to do your hair._

**Well, it may take ages but at least it looks good, and the girls like to run their fingers through long hair.**

Black, do you know how gay you sound?

**What because I take care of my hair?**

You act like it is your pride and joy.

**Well, what else can spend my time on other than my hair?**

_Homework?_

A relationship?

Pranking?

**Well, I can copy Moony's homework. Prongs can cope with sorting out pranks without me and why would I want a relationship? **

You have an answer for everything don't you, Padfoot?

**It's better than not having an answer. Like Wormtail.**

_**Bring me into everything why don't you. **_

_You have a tendency for doing that too, Padfoot._

**What?**

You bring Peter into everything.

**So what's your point?**

_**It's bloody annoying!**_

**Keep your boxers on mate!**

_**How can I when I have you in my life?**_

**God! Everyone is against me today.**

No we are against you everyday. Like Peter said, you're bloody annoying.

**Most girls don't seem to think so. **

That's because you don't talk to them.

Owned!

**Prongs, will you stop saying that? It is SO annoying.**

No. Face ache.

**How amusing.

* * *

**

Q. Sirius – do you prefer your friends to the girls you go out with?

* * *

**I prefer my friends, ever heard of the expression – bros before hoes? **

I hate that expression.

Well, don't worry Lily. I will always put you before that idiot.

**Traitor!**

Shut up.

By the way, James would it be okay if Severus comes and talks in number 7?

**Now, why would we want to do a stupid thing like that?**

To get his opinion on the questions.

**Again. Why would we want a stupid dirty Slytherin talking on this? **

_Come on Padfoot. What about house unity?_

**He will poison the minds of Hogwarts and make them want to be death eaters!**

Don't judge him for being in Slytherin, Black.

**Ok then, don't judge me for going out with 5 different girls a week!**

Must you always turn the conversation to yourself?

**Yep, well it is the best subject we can talk about!**

Lily, does Snape really have to come? 

Yes.

**Well, it's not your decision to make is it Evans. Hence the title 'The Marauder's Advice'. Not 'Lily's Advice' **

_Well, I think that Snape should come._

**We do not want that slimeball greasing up the advice!**

Don't be so childish, Black! Even Dumbledore said we should have house unity!

**Yeah but it doesn't mean we should be inviting Snivellus to this! It's about the Marauder's not Death eaters!**

Well he is coming and that is final!

* * *

**Hi everyone, any questions to ask Snape, I can't think of any :P xx

* * *

**


	7. Chapter 7

Lily – Normal 

James – Underlined

**Sirius – Bold**

_Remus – Italics_

_**Peter – Bold italics**_

_Snape – underlined Italics_

**Hey everyone I hope you enjoy the new chapter :)

* * *

**

_**Welcome to the 7**__**th**__** edition, I introduce, Severus Snape.**_

**Boy, Sniv, we have had loads of questions in about you and your greasiness!**

God, Black he has been here for about 2 minutes and you are already trying to pick a fight!

**That pan of grease started it.**

_By doing what exactly, Black?_

**Looking at me, it creeps me out.**

_How mature.

* * *

_

Q. Snape - Are you secretly gay? If so do you fancy Moony?

* * *

Back off Snivelly, Moony is our friend.

_The last I heard was that Black had a thing for him._

**I am not gay!**

Denial! (_Thanks wildwolfy!) )_

**Watch out Moony, he might start giving you the look like you used to do to me, watch out!**

_Why would I give him 'the look', fool?_

**We don't care about your opinion, no one wants you here. Go die!**

Black! Stop it!

**I don't want to be matey with a two-faced deatheater!**

Lily? Why do you always stick up for him?

_Unlike you, Potter I do not ask her out every moment of the day, I am a true friend to Lily._

**God, there is an awful stench in the room, open a window! Took a bath this week, Sniv?**

_Shut up Black, at least I do not carry around a comb and try and perfect my hair every minute of the day!_

**At least I care about my appearance. Cracked a mirror lately?**

Severus! Black! Can we just get on with this, without the both of you going on and on?

_Sorry, Lily.

* * *

_

Q. Severus – Ever heard of 'Clearasil'?

* * *

**I have! It's that muggle spot stuff, ive used it a couple of times, but it ran out.**

Yeah I borrowed some, it worked quite well.

_**I used some, but it just gave me more spots.**_

**So that's why you walked around school looking like a pizza!**

Pete, you know you're allergic to one of the ingredients in it.

_**You could have told me!**_

**Serves you right for nicking my stuff! If you didn't love me so much and tried to copy everything I do-**

As much as we love talking about you, Black, we should answer the question.

_Why would I want to use a filthy muggle treatment?_

Ive used it before and I still do now, its quite good!

_I was only joking Lils._

Sniv, you're a bad liar, apologise! 

_I only said, why would I use it?_

You called it a filthy muggle treatment! If you don't shut up I will throw something in your potion in our next class so you will fail. 

James, stop it, it was only by accident.

I don't want him insulting my girlfriend.

_Potter, you are so delusional, you're not going out with Lily._

**Are you going out with her Prongs?**

Yeah, we are.

_In your dreams, Potter._

I am sorry to say this Severus, but we are.

_But you hate his guts!_

I did, but he has got much nicer this year, and he has stopped hexing everyone who walks by him.

_What about me?_

**What about you, Sniv?**

_You know what I am talking about, Black, you and Potter hexed me yesterday!_

**You're a special case.

* * *

**

Q. Snape - If they took potions of the curriculum would you kill yourself?

* * *

**Let's hope they will get rid of Potions!**

Is potions your favourite lesson, Severus?

_Yes, it is._

_So would you kill yourself?_

_Well, Lupin, I wouldn't be very happy would I if potions is my favourite lesson, but I certainly wouldn't kill myself. God, why don't you think next time!_

**God, I was hoping and praying that they would take it off, and don't be mean to Moony!**

Yeah, Sniv he was only asking.

**Don't be such a moron, Sniv!**

James, Black, there is two of you and one of him, lay off.

_Yes, I don't mind Padfoot, thanks for sticking up for me though. What's your favourite lesson, Lily?_

I really like charms.

Can you remember that time when you tutored me in charms?

Yes I can, and I was really shocked to find out that you were actually really good at it, and we had only done one lesson.

**Yeah, Lily stopped them after that.**

I should have waited a bit longer to enlighten her with my magical abilities.

* * *

Q: For Sirius, are your accusations of Remus being gay just compensation of your own homosexuality?

* * *

**Who picks these questions?**

_**Your mum, haha.**_

Pete do you know how annoying that is? Everyone says it, it was funny at first but it isn't now.

_**Sorry, it was just a joke.**_

**He is just following the crowd it's the only thing he knows how to do. **

_**Thanks, Padfoot. Hey! I do not follow the crowd.**_

**Stop with the 'your mum' jokes then!**

**By the way, in answer to the question, I am not gay.**

_Denial!_

**If I was gay, why would I go out with nearly every girl in the school?**

Well, let's put it this way, no one else does this, it isn't normal behaviour. You're just trying to bottle up your feelings. I don't mind if you're gay.

**For the millionth time, I am not gay!**

Denial.

**Why does everyone keep saying that?**

We are saying it because we know you are gay.

**Fine call me gay, but Snape is even gayer.**

_I don't think 'gayer' is even a word._

**And Moony, you're the gayest!**

God, Padfoot, just admit you're gay! We wont hold it against you.

**Prongs, if you suggest that I am gay again I will dunk your head in a toilet, just like I did to Snape last week. I am sure you wouldn't want to experience it. **

By the way, Snape how was your hair afterwards? 

**It must have been the first wash in what? A month?**

_Black, how did you get rid of the zits I gave you afterwards?_

**Easy, Sniv, that spell wasn't very advanced.

* * *

**

Q. How do you get your hair so greasy, I mean mine is SO bland. I think it's perfect the way you can just slither your hands through it while you make out...

* * *

**EW! That is so disgusting, what happened to wanting shiny smooth hair?**

I know, putting a hand through greasy hair! It would feel like vegetable oil or something.

How do you know what vegetable oil feels like?

No reason.

**Tell her Prongs, she is your girlfriend.**

Shut up Padfoot, it's embarrassing.

Tell me James!

_He used to cook a lot with his mum. It's not even embarrassing._

It is, just think – sexy Quidditch captain, fab hair, likes to cook. How gay does that sound?

Aw, I think it's sweet.

**Ew, I feel repulsed again, just think the conversation has turned from the greasiness of Snape's hair to food, gross!**

How do you get your hair so greasy, Sniv?

**He simply doesn't wash it, instead he bathes it in a pan of grease.**

_Way to be mature, Black.

* * *

_

**Hey everyone, I hope you like the new chapter, let me know if anything needs changing. Moony wasn't mentioned much in this one, I will try and make him say more in the next chapter. Do you think I should keep Snape in the next one? Please keep sending the questions in. Please review :) xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Just to remind you –**

Lily – Normal

James – Underlined

**Sirius – Bold**

_Remus – Italics_

_**Peter – Bold italics**_

_Snape – underlined Italics_

**Hey guys, I decided to keep Snape for another chapter, but if you don't want me to put him in the next chapter, please tell me in the reviews. Hope you all enjoy the new chapter. Xxx

* * *

**

_**Hey guys! Can you believe it we are on number 8 already.**_

_If you hadn't noticed, Pettigrew, we can all count, just because you have trouble counting up to ten._

**Hey don't insult Wormtail! **

Black, your a filthy hypocrite, you have said that to Peter before!

**Yeah, Snape you big gay! God, and there's me thinking that you fancied Moony, but it's been me all along! You're always trying to copy me!**

_Black, can you get any more immature?_

**Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp!**

Shut up, Black, your giving me a headache!

**It's not my fault, what would you do if Sniv was in love with you?**

_Sirius, calm down I'm sure Snape isn't in love with you._

If he liked me, I think I would cry and then kill myself.

_Do us all a favour and do that._

**Now that wasn't very nice, was it Sniv? Lily, aren't you mad at him? He just basically told your one true love to die!**

Severus, I think you should leave.

_I'm not leaving because of Potter._

_**Well, no one wants you here.**_

**Wow, Wormtail you tell him.**

Severus, if you want to stay, you can, but stop picking arguments, and don't tell James to die!

Thank you, my dear Lilyflower.

Don't call me that, James or it will be Jamesipoo from now on.

* * *

Q for James: Do you ever imagine what yours and Lily's kids would be like?

* * *

Everyday of my life.

James, we have just started going out, what makes you think we are going to have children.

**Lily, it is obvious that you will have children.**

How is it obvious?

_I think you will too._

**Can I be godfather? Can I?**

Why would be have an idiot like you to be godfather? You would probably end up killing it by taking it on that flying motorbike of yours.

**Shhh!**

Lily, I think we should have someone responsible to be the godfather, like Remus.

_Oh, thanks but do you really think I am responsible, you know what happens every month James._

Severus, you haven't said much.

_Oh, yes I really want to be little Potter's godfather._

Well, you can think again, you are coming nowhere near Lily, our child and me!

_Do you really think I would want to see you outside this school, Potter?_

**Everyone wants to see me and Prongs out of school, everyone loves us.**

Except the Slytherins but we wouldn't want to be loved by them anyway.

**Too right.**

_**I don't like Slytherins, they always make fun of me for being fat.**_

**So? Go and tell the minister of magic, we don't care.**

Way to be kind out it Black.

**Well, if he lost some weight maybe they wouldn't make fun of him, he brings it on himself, just like Sniv.**

_How do I 'bring it on myself'?_

**Well, look at your hair that's one thing that you bring on yourself.

* * *

**

Q. Remus - Why do you let Sirius and James treat you as their personal stationary when taking notes in class?

* * *

**If he didn't we would fail, and it would be on his conscience.**

_To be honest, Padfoot, I don't care if you fail or pass._

Why do you let us use your notes then?

_Last time you asked you said if I didn't let you use them you would tell Elise Manston that I fancied her._

**What are you talking about? Elise is beautiful Moonpie.**

Apart from her face is covered in erupting volcanoes.

_**And the facial hair.**_

_And the four chins._

**But other than that she is the best match for you.**

Who was that girl I saw you with the other day?

_**I saw her too, it was that Emma Mason he went to that dance thing with.**_

Remmy, have you got a girlfriend?

_No, she is just my friend._

_**Why were you snogging her face off then?**_

**Moonpie has a girlfriend!!**

Why didn't you tell us?

_I knew you would cause trouble as soon as you knew._

**I was wondering why she slapped me the other day when I asked her to 'get it on' with me. **

You asked her that?

**Yeah.**

No wonder she slapped you!

**I asked her it every time but she hasn't ever slapped me before.**

Black, don't you dare mess things up for Remus.

**I won't but Moony why is one of the hottest girls in the school going out with you?**

_I wonder why? Could it possibly be the fact that she likes me?_

**No, I don't like any of the girls I go out with.**

Padfoot why don't you get a girlfriend?

**No, I'm just playing the field.**

_You have been playing the field for five years!_

**I'm a player and proud of it.**

One day you will not be able to get a girl and I will laugh in your face.

**Yeah, you probably will, only up until the time you're begging me to-**

The only thing I would beg you to do would be to kill yourself.

**Harsh words Evans, but you will someday.**

Are you a seer now Padfoot?

**Haha, look at the question that has just come in!

* * *

**

Q. James - Why do you always ruffle your hair? I mean, seriously it is getting really annoying. Is it because you think that you will look like you have just come off a broom? If it is for that reason, then . . . you are stupid.

* * *

I am not stupid! I personally love my hair.

**You and who else?**

Lily likes running her hands through it, don't you Lilykins?

Yes, everyday Jamesipoo.

Why are you calling me that?

I said if you came up with another ridiculous nickname like that, I would call you Jamesipoo.

**Moony, do you and your girlfriend have pet names for each other?**

_No we do not, idiot._

**Sniv, do you have a pet name for you and your boyfriend? Malfoy?**

_Black, do you like your eyebrows?_

**Yes, why? Are you wondering why they are so perfect? I pluck them every week, you should try it, can you even see through them caterpillars?**

_If you don't shut up I will burn them off._

_**Don't worry he went a week of not having eyebrows.**_

Until he went to the library to find a regrowing charm. 

_I remember that! He was getting annoyed because it was so slow and he ended up tripling the charm and having to look through caterpillars._

**They looked a bit like yours, Sniv, but not as greasy.**

_How can my eyebrows be greasy?_

**I don't know you tell me.**

Black, why didn't you have eyebrows?

**Arrghh I have told you before, that psycho shaved them off while I was sleeping!**

_Are you that stupid, you didn't even know a simple regrowing charm?_

**Are you that stupid you didn't even know a hair cleaning charm?**

Stop arguing!

**I can't help it, his hair makes me do unthinkable things.

* * *

**

**Hey everyone, sorry this chapter is short, I didn't have a lot of time to write this week. Questions for the Marauders would be appreciated. Thanks xx

* * *

**


	9. Chapter 9

Everyone, thanks so much for the reviews yolapeoples, Moonchild101713, babybader22, InMemoryOfFredWeasley and writingqueen13. Keep the reviews coming :D By the way, check out my new story **Sirius Black Must Die. **

I decided not to have Snape in this chapter as so many of you said 'no'.

Just to remind you:

**Sirius – Bold**

_Remus – Italics_

James – Normal underlined 

Lily - Normal

_**Peter – Bold italics

* * *

**_

**Number nine, under unfortunate circumstances, Sniv cannot be with us today…**

Really? Isn't that I big shame, I was looking forward to listening to his opinion.

_What did you do to him?_

**Nothing…**

But he sure did poop his pants!

What on earth did you do?

**Let's just say he is in the hospital wing with something growing out of his chest as we speak!**

_How fascinating, what an accomplishment!_

**You would have been impressed if you were there!**

Fill us in, what did you do?

Three words – Magical-

**Breast-**

Implants!

**How cool is that?**

There was me, thinking he wanted a sex change, but he was outrageous when he realised what we had done!

_No offence, but I would be a little mad myself._

**Don't worry Moonpie, we will never do it to you, you are our friend.**

_I cannot control my happiness._

**Plus there is no point in doing it to Wormtail, he already has man ****boobs!**

_**Hey! You promised you wouldn't tell!**_

**Its not like no one knows, we can see them through your shirt!**

Yeah, Pete you should really wear a bra.

**I bet your jealous, Evans, there bigger than yours!**

Black, I don't particularly like you comparing Peter's breasts towards mine!

* * *

Q. Lily – How is dating James going?

* * *

Great! She loves it.

I would prefer to answer myself.

Well, I said it for you.

Dating James is ok, it's better than him asking me out everyday.

**Haha James, its not even 'good' going out with you just 'ok'.**

Well, it's better than not knowing the girl I'm going out with.

**Are you taking a stab at my relationships?**

_What relationships?_

What is it this time, did you go out with a girl for a week?

_**Shocker!**_

**At least I have had experience unlike you, face ache.**

What girls do you go for, Peter?

**Wormtail goes for men.**

_**Shut up! No I don't!**_

Don't listen to him Peter; he is just trying to cover up his own sexuality.

**Yeah, speak for yourself, Evans.**

Black, what the hell are you talking about?

_Again Lily, he is just trying to cover up his own sexuality._

**I'm straight!**

You keep telling yourself that, Padfoot.

* * *

Q. Sirius – Would you ever think Remus would betray you?

* * *

**No, Moony loves me too much to do that.**

_Again, you keep telling yourself that._

_**What you would betray him?**_

_Obviously not, Wormtail._

**He is a marauder you foolish fool.**

Padfoot, you know before you write things down you should say them in your head as that didn't make much sense.

**It made perfect sense to me.**

_Well, that's self explanatory._

**Remus, why are you so horrible to lil ol' me?**

_I'm not horrible to you at all._

Its just sarcasm, something you do not know how to use.

* * *

Q. Lily - who is your favourite out of the marauders?

* * *

**Pick me!**

I must be your favourite! I'm your boyfriend! 

**It doesn't mean she likes you more than the rest of us.**

Well, I have to like James because he is my boyfriend. But I have always been friends with Remus, he is a great guy.

_Thank you, Lily._

What do you mean 'you have to like me?'

Well, of course I have to like you.

**You, what about me? Evans, you didn't even mention me!**

Could that possibly because I don't like you?

**You have to like me… I'm Sirius Black!**

I think that's the reason I don't like you.

**Everybody likes me… Again I'm Sirius Black!**

Moving on...

**James! Your girlfriend doesn't like me.**

So what, neither do I.

* * *

Q. Sirius – Has James always been your best friend?

* * *

**Up until now.**

It was a joke, get over it.

**James I am now replacing you with Remus.**

_Oh, joy!_

**See, Remus likes me more than you. And his girlfriend likes me.**

What? The girl you ask to 'get it on' with you likes you?

**Yes, Sarah and I get on famously.**

_Sirius, you're an idiot._

**Arrghh! Everyone is turning on me, Wormtail I'm now replacing you as my ex friends Moony and Prongs.**

Your stupidity is so confusing.

I agree with you.

**NO! Everyone stop being so mean to me!**

_Stop whining!

* * *

_

Q. James – Do you think Snape wants to kill you?

* * *

Yes, he wants to kill all of us.

**Except Lily, I'm telling you Prongs, he fancies her.**

Black, for the last time, keep your little fantasies to yourself.

**They aren't mine, they are Snapes!**

I don't really think, Snape wants to kill Remus-

**James, listen to me, Sniv fancies your woman!**

Lily, tell Padfoot I am ignoring him.

**I'm just telling the truth. Snape-Fancies- Your- Woman!**

It burns my ears!

_Prongs cannot write as his hands are over his ears. So I will rap it up for him. Prongs think Snape would like to kill him._

**Prongs is in denial! He knows Snape fancies Lily!

* * *

**

**Thanks for reading everyone. As you might have read, I couldn't come up with any good questions… do you have any ideas? Please review. XxX**

**Black Magic**


	10. Chapter 10

New chapter :)

Thanks to all the reviews:

Moonchild101713

endeavour

InMemoryofFredWeasley

Writingqueen13

Abbyreads

EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse

Now, I hope you all like this chapter, but please after you have read it can you read my new story **Sirius Black Must Die**?

I hope you all enjoy….

* * *

**I'm actually really happy today.**

_Why is this?_

Let me guess, because Sniv isn't here?

**You got it in one.**

I wonder why he isn't here.

**I forgot to tell him where we were meeting.**

What? Why?

**I didn't want him to find out where this place was!**

Where what place was?

**The Room of Requirement.**

Ah, never mind Padfoot he is so brainless he wouldn't be able to find it anyway.

_**I thought it was called the come and go room.**_

**That's its nick name you twat.**

_**How can a room have a nick name?

* * *

**_

Q. James - How do you think Snape will plan to kill you?

* * *

**Drown him.**

That isn't bad; if he did that to me think what he would do to you.

_Yeah, that's true he hates you, remember that prank you did to him? Which involved me, and James had to save him?_

**Oh, yeah that was one of the best pranks ever, Prongs you ruined it man!**

Well, if I didn't he would have been killed.

**Good.**

Then you would have ended up in Azkaban, like McGonagall said you would at your career meeting. 

**Oh, good answer Jamesy old pal!**

What do you want?

**Nothing, why does everyone say that?**

You are never nice to anyone without wanting something.

**Oh sorry Snape lover.**

Excuse me?

_**It's ok! I didn't hear you burp!**_

How dare you Padfoot! I will never talk to you again!

Its ok, he is just covering up for his slight obsession with him.

**I do not have an obsession with Sniv! In fact I do not have an obsession with any guy!**

_Sure you don't._

**Arrghh! Everyone is being mean to me.**

Well, stop being a dick head and we won't.

**Haha, I knew you couldn't stop talking to me!**

_Sirius shut up!_

Its okay Remus, Mr Windy-Wobbler will get it tonight.

**NO NOT MR WINDY-WOBBLER!!!**

Oh, yes Mr Windy-Wobbler, your childish name for your broom.

**No, you cannot take my broom, I need it for practises. If you destroy him I am resigning from the team and then we will LOSE!**

What makes you think you are the best no the team?

**I'm the best beater.**

There is only two, fool.

_**Yeah, you're not the best out of all five players!**_

**Sorry to disappoint you Wormtail but there are seven players on the team. Shows what you know about Quidditch.**

Wormtail would you like to be the new beater?

**I know your only joking you can't fool me. Wormtail is so fat a broom couldn't carry him.**

_**Shut up Padfoot! I went on a diet last year!**_

**And how many pounds did you loose in three months?**

_**Four.**_

**What an accomplishment!**

_At least he tried to loose weight. You're looking a bit podgy this year._

Yeah you ate about five meals at my house a day.

**This sort of abuse can trigger rapid weight loss and I might die! What would you do without me?**

_Have a party._

Everyone would come.

_**We would all be happy.**_

**Well Prongs didn't say anything! He would miss you.**

In case you hadn't noticed I only like you because you pull pranks with me.

**Prongs! I am so depressed now; I will not talk for the rest of this:(**

Hooray!

* * *

Q. Sirius - do you ever want to get married?

* * *

Haha this will make him talk.

_I don't think it will he just shook his head._

_**He just mouthed 'I hate you all'.**_

Hey I think we just found your talent Wormtail.

**Oh yeah because Wormtail had a talent.**

I knew that would get you talking, I can read you like a book.

**No you can't, loser.**

_Now you're talking again, care to answer the question?_

**No I will not meet your demands. **

Just answer the freaking question Black!

**Nope.**

_If you don't I will get that girl to shave off your eyebrows again. _

**Do it, I know how to grow them back this time. Haha.**

How about if you don't answer I will actually kick you off the team for good.

**I know you wouldn't me and you are probably the best on the team.**

You have an answer to everything, don't you?

**Yup, don't hate me cause you ain't me!**

We all hate you anyway.

**You love me really, everybody does!**

_Can you answer the question?_

Say please.

_Please._

**Aren't you a well mannered boy.**

Padfoot, please answer the question.

**I haven't ever intended to get married, and I don't think I will. Marriage isn't my thing.**

Well done.

* * *

Q. Sirius- Can I create a Kill Sirius Black group against you?

* * *

Yes do us all a favour and please do.

**No, you would all miss having the famous Sirius Black around.**

I don't know, you can be annoying sometimes, but I would miss you if you died.

**Thanks mate. I'd miss you too. Now James is being nice to me can you all be too?**

I'm not being nice, I just stated that I would miss you.

**Would any body else miss me?**

I think I would miss your annoying childish behaviour.

**Thanks Lily Billy.**

Like that annoying childish behaviour.

**I love you too.**

I should think you do, Lily is a lovely person.

**Why are you always nice to her and not me, I'm your best mate!**

Black, maybe if you followed James and deflated your head a bit, we would all be a bit nicer to you.

**Yeah because I will deflate my head.**

I'm surprised you can fit through the door with that humongous head of yours, Black.

* * *

Q - James: would you rather be a death eater or loose lily to Snape?

* * *

Personally, I would rather be a death eater I couldn't lose her to anyone especially Snape.

**You would be a member of mouldy shorts gang, the man who has never had a happy thought in his life?**

Yes, rather than lose my Lily.

James, you're so sweet.

**Carry on with your love fest later.**

Just because no one has ever called you sweet before.

**Yeah because I care.**

_Shut up or I will buy you a flea collar._

**No anything but a flea collar!**

Well shut up then!

* * *

**Whoop, I can't believe I have wrote 10 chapters to this story, I thought I would only get up to about five. Sorry about this chapter it is extremely random as I wanted to get this chapter out fast for you all to read :) thanks so much for all your reviews :P if we can, it would be great to get up to about 70 reviews :) Please review :)!!**


	11. Chapter 11

Hey everyone thanks for the reviews I was hoping for. Thanks to –

writingqueen13

mrs.cenalovesmalfoy

Badwolfxx

Mrs.AliceSiriusBlack

endeavor

LILYandJAMESareCUTE

sc12321

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Phiso

Moonchild101713

I love all of your reviews :)

I shall try and update **Sirius Black Must Die **too :)

* * *

**Evans for Prongs!**

Get over it, Padfoot.

**I caught them in the broom closet! Evans you said you would never stoop so low.**

No you misunderstood me, Black; I said you would never see me in the broom closet with you.

**Evans for prongs!**

_Padfoot, they have been going out for over a month get over it._

**Moony how is it going with Mason?**

_Go away._

**Simple question.**

_Me and Emma are fine thank you, so leave her alone, ask her to meet you in the broom closet again and I will seriously strangle you._

Has anyone else noticed?

What?

Sirius is the only one of us without a significant other.

**Your point being?**

Even Peter has a girlfriend.

**Yeah but have you seen her?**

Not recently why?

**She has ANOTHER huge spot, it looks like it's about to pop.**

_**Oi, that's my girlfriend!**_

**Fuck off Pete no one cares. You insult the girls I go out with.**

Yeah but Padfoot come on, you go out with anything that wears a skirt.

**I do not! I am so offended, I think for ages before I chat someone up. **

_Really you've waited longer than two minutes?_

**Shut up Moonpie.

* * *

**

Q - What would Sirius do if he spotted Remus unknowingly reading a book under mistletoe?

* * *

_**He would sneak up behind him and snog him wouldn't you Padfoot, your such a gay. **_

**I am not gay! For the last time!**

Moony has a girlfriend now Padfoot, your going to have to put your feelings aside. 

**What feelings? I am not gay!**

Denial, Padfoot.

**Denial my arse!**

Black, why are you saying you aren't gay when you clearly are.

**Evans, I have never had a gay feeling in my life, never have, never will.**

We'll let it slide this time Padfoot, but we will be watching you closely.

**For what? I am not gay. If I was gay, I wouldn't have a girl every night would I?**

_We don't know how your sick mind works; you're probably just bottling up your feelings._

**Grrr! **

Don't get mardy.

**Fuck off.

* * *

**

James- dump lily and go out with me!!

* * *

Dump my Lilyflower NEVER! 

**James, if me and Evans were both drowning who would you save first?**

Sirius you can't ask that!

_You can't say things like that, how would he know he isn't in that situation._

**Ever heard of the word hypothetical?**

Ever heard of the words shut up?

**I guess you're saving Evans first.**

I love her Padfoot, you've got to understand that.

**Bros before hoes?**

Arrgh! Must you always throw that in my face?

Its okay James, if you want to save the arrogant, egotistical, stupid, immature womaniser first, I'm cool with it.

**Save me first James!**

Well, I've got a magical wand so I can save both of you at the same time.

**I didn't think of that.**

_When do you ever think?_

**You can't say I'm stupid; I got higher marks than you on the transfiguration test.**

_**Weren't you copying Prongs though?**_

**I was not! How dare you.**

Padfoot, you were copying me though.

**So that doesn't change anything. I still got higher than Moony. **

Black, you were copying someone! Without them you would have got a low mark. You are so stupid!

**So, at least I'm attractive.**

_That's what you think._

**Moony, you have always thought I'm attractive the reason being is that you fancy me.**

_Yeah right, I fancy you, but tell me Padfoot, why do I have a girlfriend?

* * *

_

Remus- Why did you create the Marauders group with these guys? I mean they are lunatics!

* * *

**I assure you, I am not a lunatic. To refresh your memory I am: hot, great, intelligent, funny, fit, confident, great must I go on?**

You have most of that wrong, you are none of those things.

**Evans, I know you want me, you don't have to cover it up just because Prongs is here. **

The only thing I feel towards you is hatred.

**And lust, haha.**

_**I don't think I'm a lunatic.**_

**I don't think the lunatic part included you, your not important enough.**

_I didn't decide to make a group with them, it just sort of happened. It started off when I told them all about myself and my-_

Furry little problem.

What the hell?

_James, how many times do I have to tell you stop saying that, Emma is becoming very concerned she things I have an aggressive rabbit or something._

**Okay then, when you told us about your time of the month-**

_Don't call it that either._

**Fine, Back to the lunatic bit.**

I'm not a lunatic.

You are. Well when you kept trying to get me to go out with you, you were a bit of a lunatic then.

I was blinded by your beauty, I didn't know what I was doing.

**Stop with the love fest!**

Shut up Black, just because you have no romantic bone in your body.

* * *

Q. James: My best guy friend is in love with some girl. Any tips on how to ask her out for him?

* * *

Keep badgering her, she will cave in eventually.

Just to let you know James I didn't cave in I just agreed to go out with you because I felt like it, so I don't think that tip works.

**Just get this guy to go up to her and say 'you me, broom closet, 7pm' she'll get the message.**

_That is really bad advice, Padfoot. Not everyone is as direct as you. _

**Well then what do you suggest, oh clever one.**

_Thanks for the sarcasm. I suggest that this boy should try and make friends with this girl and then ask her out. That's what I did with Emma._

**I slept with her last week, Moony.**

_What?!?_

Huh?

Oh my god!

**Only joking, haha you thought I was being serious. Wait I am Sirius! What a great pun.**

Padfoot that is getting so old.

_So you didn't sleep with her?_

**Duh, Moony I just said I was joking.**

Black, why do you mess about with people's emotions like that?

**Evans, it's a gift. **

Who are you meeting in the broom closet tonight, Padfoot?

**Well, I am meeting someone at 7pm that's Emma Mason and then at half past I'm meeting with Lily Evans.**

Sorry everyone, Sirius will not be able to reply he is being killed at this second.

_**Look at Moony go!**_

No don't throw him there, oh that's his arm broken.

_**Now his leg.**_

Peter, I don't think they will be back for another couple of hours, shall we rap this up.

_**Yeah, thanks everyone for reading, next edition Sirius will be back-**_

Possibly with a broken arm and leg.

* * *

Thanks everyone for reading, please review. Can you think of any questions for next time? Thanks for all of the great reviews everyone :) 


	12. Chapter 12

**Enjoy the new chapter :) **

**Put it back Moony!**

_Nope._

Haha! Black, what happened to you?

**Stupid Moony and his magic! **

Padfoot, I must say, looking like that you won't get girls for a long time. 

_**Good one Moony!**_

**I'm going to Dumbledore after this; he'll move my mouth back.**

_It looks charming on your forehead though. _

**Laura Hayes ran away from me yesterday.**

Well, you can't blame her.

_You look so funny._

**If you say one more thing, I will burn off your eyebrows in your sleep.**

_And if you do that, I will move your nose to where you mouth used to be._

**You wouldn't dare.**

_Hey if I moved your mouth to your forehead, I can do anything. _

**I hate you.**

_The feeling's mutual. _

Q. All: Who names their buddy old pal Moony?

* * *

**Someone who hates him like me!**

We have already told you this; we named him Moony because he showed of his 'moon' in fourth year.

_Again? I did not!_

**Shut up you, face changer.**

Oh, good insult, Black.

_**Moony's a cool name, it's much better than 'wormtail'!**_

**Hey you said you liked that name!**

_**I only said it to keep you quiet.**_

**Ah, shut your face fat boy.**

_**I'll get Moony to move your nose.**_

**Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!**

Why did you bother writing that?

**Moony please move my mouth back!**

_Only if you stay off girls for a week._

**What the fuck? How am I only to get girls with my mouth on my forehead anyway?**

_After that._

**For a week? You've got to be kidding!**

_Do you want your mouth back?_

So the girls will love you again?

So you can snog them senseless?

**Stop it! I can't live without girls for a week! I had enough trouble not have one last night!**

_Well you're going to have to live wit that mouth on your head._

You won't have any girls for a month because there to scared to go near you at the minute. So would you rather go without them for a month, or one measly week?

**I'll take the week thank you very much.**

_Good, so if I move your mouth back, at the end of this, you'll stay off girls for a week?_

**As much as it pains me to say it, yes.**

_Good. _

Q. Lily – when you have kids with James, what do you intend to call them?

* * *

The boy – James junior and the girl – Lily junior.

If I do have kids with James, which I highly doubt, their names will not have the word junior in them!

Why don't you think you'll have kids with me?

James we have only just started going out.

So, you're my life partner!

**Ew!**

_You sound like a girl, Padfoot._

**James why don't you want to play the field like me?**

How long do you intend to 'play the field' for?

**All my life.**

You'll be dead in five years; they will all rally together and kill you.

**Well, at least I'll have had more girls than James.**

Is that all you care about? 'Having' more girls than James?

**Pretty much, yes. **

Now that's disgusting.

**Not really the girls don't seem to mind.**

Stop winking at me, its disturbing.

Do you want me to kick you 'there' again, Padfoot?

**No! Don't kick me there! Again!**

Well shut up then or we will get Remus to move _that _somewhere else too.

* * *

Q. Sirius – Are you badly hurt?

* * *

**As well as my mouth hanging round on my forehead, I have a black eye from which Prongs gave me. Moony went for my knees and they are bruised, and it bloody hurt when Prongs kicked me **_**there**_

Well you deserved it, dickface.

**All I said was that I was meeting Evans and Mason in the broom closet. Oooh Evans AND Mason, what fun that would be.**

Black, I wouldn't, look at Remus.

**His face looks distorted.**

I think your going to be kicked_ there_ again. 

_**I'd run if I were you.**_

**No, they can't scare me.**

_**They scare me.**_

**Well, to be honest Wormtail your scared most of your life, you're such an annoying little shit.**

There coming closer!

**Prongs, Moony I'm sorry! Don't kick me there again! **

Calm down James.

I am calm, but I'd be a lot calmer if I didn't have that FOOL in my life.

**I am not a fool.**

_Believe me you are._

**I love you too, Moonpie.**

Well, we fucking hate you.

**Nice to know, beautiful cheeks.**

_**Wait, what 'cheeks' are you talking about?**_

**Wouldn't you like to know? PRONGS! Wormtail fancies you! He wants to see your 'cheeks'.**

_**No I don't!**_

It sounds like you've already seen them, Black.

Can we stop talking about this? Let's move onto another topic, which means we should change the question! 

Q. Sirius - What would make you consider a serious, proper relationship (like Lily & James') with a girl?...Possibly with me? I think you're hot, great, intelligent, funny, fit, confident...and the list goes on... - Queen Islanzadi

* * *

_This girl is so wrong._

How can anyone think you're funny and intelligent? The only thing on that list that is true is that you are confident, a bit too much for my liking.

**Hey Jamsey, I think she's after me, you're a sly one Evans, you didn't deny that you thought I was hot, fit and great. **

_**Lily's blushing!**_

I am not! How can I not turn red when he just took his shirt off and keeps dancing over the chairs!

**Evans fancies me :)**

How can I fancy you when I love James?

**I don't know how your mind works Evans!**

Padfoot how many times this year have you been beaten up?

**Why?**

_Because we are about to add another to your list!_

**Helllllllp! **

**Hey everyone :) thanks so much for reading, I would love for you to review :) is there anyone who I could bring into this? any more question you want to ask? Please review! xxx **


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to all of my brilliant reviewers :) thank you to:**

**EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse**

**Queen Islanzadi**

**Abbyreads**

**Sc12321**

**Lollopopprongs**

**mrs.cenalovesmalfoy**

**Moonchild101713**

**x.o.gossipgirl.x.o**

**Enjoy the new chapter xxx**

* * *

_**Hows the staying off girls going Padfoot?**_

**Lovely, I'm having the time of my-**

_Really?_

**Obviously not, Moony, I'm having withdrawal symptoms!**

Like what?

**My hair has gone limp, my lips are no longer kissable and I have a spot!**

Oh my gosh! Sirius Black has a spot! NEVER!

**I know Lilykins, its awful; girls won't want to date me until I get my sexy and gorgeousness back!**

Wait! How can staying off girls give you a spot?

**How should I know? Ask my body!**

Oh yes, hello Sirius's body, tell me why does Sirius have a spot?

_**Haha your funny James!**_

**Hey Pete, when's the baby due?**

_**Huh?**_

He is insulting you, Pete.

* * *

Q. Sirius – I want your babies! When can I have them? Sirius'sbaybeegirl.

* * *

**Er, how about – the twelfth of never!**

_You see, Sirius'sbaybeegirl, Sirius isn't the kind of guy to settle down he doesn't like relationships. _

Only since that girl dumped him.

**DO NOT TALK ABOUT GIRLS IN FRONT OF ME!**

_Why have you finally decided to come out?_

_**Girl girl girl girl!**_

Yes Pete, we all know you have boobs like one.

**That's what his girlfriend likes about him, 'oh peter, let me caress you moobs!' Haha! **

Black! Do the words – serious revolting images mean anything to you?

**Yeah I had one about you and Sniv once, I nearly threw up, but to stop myself I looked in the mirror.**

How does that stop you from throwing up?

**You see Jamesyboy, when I picture Snapes ugliness I try and block it with something remotely gorgeous like –**

You pictured me then!

**No you see I looked in the mirror and smiled.**

_Padfoot, you do realise how gay you sound?_

**You're always pointing out my apparent 'gay' tendencies, what do you want me to ask you to the broom closet or something?**

Again Black, serious, revolting, vomit worthy images.

_**I know, I just had one too, Lily.**_

**Hey Pete, what's it like to have your boxers fit like a thong?**

_**They don't! I have a big size in boxers!**_

Can we please change the subject, it doesn't feel right discussing Peter's man thong. It's not very entertaining.

**This is ****funny!**

Maybe for you but not for me! NOW ANSWER THE FREAKIN' QUESTION BLACK!

**Prongs? How can you fancy her? She's scary!**

Padfoot, I think you'd better answer the question.

**Lily, love, if you keep frowning like that, you'll have wrinkles before you twentieth birthday. **

If you don't answer the question, you won't live to see your twentieth birthday!

**I already answered it! I said 'how about the twelfth of never'. **

Well done, you clever boy!

**No need to be sarcastic Jamiespoo!**

If you don't shut up, I will personally show McGonagall your _magazines. _

**Shutting up.**

_Good dog._

**Moony is provoking me!**

_I am not. Dog breath._

**I can't help that, hairy boy.**

_Do you want a flea collar strapped round your neck while you're asleep?_

**No I'd rather have my mouth back on my forehead.**

_Well if you insist._

Run Padfoot! He's getting his wand out!

**No Moonpie please!**

* * *

Q. Remus - Will you meet me in the Room of Requirement at Midnight? -Mysterious Chick

* * *

**If this for a make out session, he can't he has a 'girlfriend' I'm free for you though.**

_That reminds me; can Emma come to the next instalment?_

**Hot Emma? Emma Mason?**

_Yes, if you hadn't noticed she's my girlfriend!_

**Yes, I have noticed, Moony, of course she can come she is HOT!**

_Yes, but she isn't coming so you can ask her out. Is everyone else happy with her coming?_

**Evans and Prongs do not look like they can answer at the moment.**

_**Yeah there snogging.**_

**OI! Prongs mate!**

What do you want, Padfoot? I was in the middle of something!

_Are you ok with Emma coming to the next instalment?_

Yeah okay, whatever, Moony.

**Pete was staring at her the other day, Moony.**

_**What! I was not, I think your trying to cover up for yourself!**_

_Padfoot stares at anything wearing a skirt, Wormtail, it's hardly surprising. _

Remus, why don't you answer the question, so we can start a new one?

**Nice snog, Evans?**

Lovely thanks, Padfoot.

_I can't meet you in the Room of Requirement, I'm meeting Emma later._

**Taking a leaf out of my book, Moony, broom closet?**

_No you idiot. I'm not telling you, you'll probably turn up and taking pictures of us kissing or something._

**No, I'd push you in the lake and then you could take pictures of us kissing, if you get my drift.**

* * *

Q. Sirius - Yes Sirius, I am after you. You want to go out some time?

* * *

**Yes, but only if your not some crazed stalker who will shave of my eyebrows.**

Remind us, Padfoot, has that ever happened before?

**You no full well that it has, I wouldn't have asked if they were a-crazed-stalker-who-will-shave-off-my-eyebrows would I?**

_If you ever tried it on with Emma, I'm telling you she would cut off more than your eyebrows._

**Is that supposed to make me not ask her out next instalment?**

_It's true Padfoot._

**She sounds like my kind of woman.**

_Well she's not, so if you do try it on, I will personally cut off more than your eyebrows._

* * *

**Hey guys :) thanks for reading, I thought about putting Remus's girlfriend in but I'm not sure, its up to you guys, I don't mind :) so you decide. If you want her in, send some questions in for her :) thanks for reading xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**It's taken me so long to get back into writing fanfic, I have so much on with exams and coursework, the holidays will be rolling round soon and I'll update a lot :)**

**To those of you who can't remember because I haven't updated in ages – **

Lily – Normal

Sirius – **Bold**

James – Normal underlined

Remus – _Italics _

Peter – _**Bold Italics**_

**And for this chapter –**

__

**Emma – bold, italics underlined**

* * *

**Why hello miss Mason nice of you to drop by.**

_**Waggle your eyebrows once more and I'll rip them off you arrogant jerk.**_

**And there's me thinking you had a little thing for me.**

_**Oh Sirius I do have a thing for you, a BIG thing, but it's full of hatred.**_

**You can't fool me, everyone would like a bit of Sirius.**

_**Yeah you keep telling yourself that and maybe someday you will believe it. **_

**Oh trust me I do believe it.**

* * *

Emma - why did you agree to go out with Remus?

* * *

**Yes do tell, I've always wondered that myself.**

_Padfoot, do you intentionally try to annoy people? Or is it more of a problem that you cannot help?_

**It's more of a gift that I only use on you and Mason.**

Black, I have always wondered how you manage to make girls go out with you.

Yeah me too, do you use a love potion, or do you knock them unconscious and pretend that you stayed with them until they were awake so they think you saved them?

**I think it's more that I have a gorgeous face and an out standing personality. **

_**No, you have a hideous face and a terrible personality.**_

**Well, aren't we abusive today Mason?**

**_I'm only abusive when you're around Black._**

**Why oh why have both my best friends gone and got abusive girls.**

Excuse me, Black?

**What? I didn't hear you burp.**

Oh get a life, you man-whore.

**Prongs? Are you going to let her talk to your best friend like that?**

What? She's not talking to Moony, she's talking to you. 

**I have never been so insulted in my life by you Prongs.**

Ah you know I'm only kidding. 

So, Emma, what attracted you to Remus?

_**Oh well he's smart-**_

**I'm smart.**

_**As I was saying, he's funny-**_

**I'm funny.**

_**He's good looking-**_

**Oh come on! I'm better looking that Remus.**

_**Oh and Remus is incredibly modest.**_

Is it just me or is Sirius Black jealous?

**Sirius Black has never been jealous and never intends to be jealous.**

_Emma and Lily are right, you need to get a life. _

**Oh shut up Moonpie, or I'll tell Emma about that time when we were playing truth or dare and you- **

_She already knows._

**How?**

_**You told me yesterday you idiot whilst you were trying to chat me up.**_

_Padfoot! I told you not to ask her out, you fool!_

**I am no fool; it's not my fault your girlfriend was throwing herself at me.**

_**I was not throwing myself at you; you just like to think that I do.**_

**I know you should what goes on in my mind at night. **

_Padfoot, none of us want to know what you dream at night._

_**I do!**_

Ew, Pete that disgusting.

_You know what goes on in his mind._

**You couldn't even imagine what goes in my mind, when you walk past me in the morning in your boxers.**

_I told you he was gay!!_

**It was a joke Moonpie. **

_Its always jokes with you. _

**Hey! I can be serious!**

That's not even funny anymore.

**Why is Wormtail pissing himself then?**

Come on Padfoot, he still laughs about the time we were flicking peas at Snape in the great hall. 

**Yeah come on Pete that was funny for like a second.**

_He's still laughing about it now. _

**Get over it Pete its not even funny. **

_**Sorry. **_

**Yeah, you better be!**

__

**Black! Stop picking on him you stupid twat!**

Dear Sirius, you cannot go out with so many girls forever, meet me in the astronomy tower for a date, if you do you'll never stray towards any other girl.

* * *

Woah, someone trying to tame Sirius Black. 

_**No one will be able to tame Sirius Black. **_

To be honest mate, I think you should give it a go.

**I like variety; I can't go out with just one girl! What the hell are you on about?**

_She's right though you can't be a player forever._

**I can and I will! I'll show you all!**

What would you do if she was everything you wanted? Would you still cheat on her?

**I don't know I've never been in that situation before.**

_**Don't you ever want children, Black?**_

**Are you trying to say you want my babies?**

_**Get a life Black, and in the process get a woman too. **_

_Go on Padfoot, have a date with this girl, she might be 'the one'._

**No, because when you see me with other girls you'll slap me.**

_**No we wouldn't.**_

**That's never stopped you before.**

* * *

Emma – which marauder do you find the most attractive?

* * *

**Me obviously. **

Obviously not Black, Remus is her boyfriend.

Anyway Padfoot, I'm the most attractive.

_**Remus is the most attractive.**_

_Thanks Emma :) _

**Oh god there going to start making out. **

_**No we keep that private.**_

_Unlike you, snogging in the great hall and in lessons. _

_**I swear you're a male prostitute. **_

**Well I'm not so there!**

How much do you get paid?

_**Why are you thinking of joining him, Potter?**_

No I have my beautiful girlfriend, Lily.

**Now there going to start snogging. Look what you've done Mason!**

_**Me?**_

**Do you want to start snogging?**

_**EW! Get away from me Black!**_

_Sirius? Have a word with little Sirius and see if he doesn't mind getting removed._

**NO stay away from my man bits!**

_**No offence Sirius? But what man bits?**_

**You know full well how big they are.**

_No Emma, put the wand down!_

_**If he says one more thing, the man bits will be gone! **_

**Anyway, Moony which marauder do you fine the most attractive?**

_None of you because I am not gay!_

We all know who you find the most attractive Padfoot.

**I ****know**** who the most attractive is. **

Yes me too, the one and only J-

**SIRIUS BLACK! Oh thank you for you all voting for me, I had no idea. **

_**Sirius black you are full of shit. No one would vote for you unless it was the winner for a moron competition.**_

**James would win that competition. **

Padfoot, all of us here know that you're the one and only moron here. 

**I love you too Jamesipoo. **

* * *

**Thank you to all of you for reading this, its not the best, but I haven't wrote for ages so im just getting into it again :) please review everyone xxxxxx**


	15. Chapter 15

* * *

Chapter 15

Chapter 15 

Hey everyone thanks for your brilliant reviews :)

**Imagine everything**

**pocketfulOfSunshine95**

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**Ajteel0203**

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Thanks for your reviews they mean a lot :)

* * *

Lily – Normal

Sirius – **Bold**

James – Normal underlined

Remus – _Italics _

Peter – _**Bold Italics**_

**And for this chapter –**

__

**Emma – bold, italics underlined**

**Good afternoon single females of Hogwarts, I don't have a date tonight.**

I wonder why.

**Well it's not my fault that someone spread that I had some, er, diseases. **

_**I'm sorry, Black, I thought everyone should know before they catch them too.**_

Padfoot you didn't tell us you had-

**I DON'T!**

_**You don't? Well there isn't much we can do about it now, sorry Black.**_

**SORRY? That's all you can say?**

_You don't have to apologise to him Emma, he probably deserved it._

What did the prick do this time?

_**I caught the brainless twat making out with Alicia when he's supposed to be dating Melanie. **_

**Well, they always know that one day that's going to happen.**

_**You're insufferable! **_

**Why don't you just admit that you're freakishly attracted to me?**

_**Your right! Wanna make out?**_

_Huh? _

What?

_**Haha! You've got 5 pimples growing and popping already!**_

**She just hexed me!**

_Yeah, with a popping pimple jinx!_** (I know this jinx doesn't exist :))**

_**Try in on again Black and you will be neutered.**_

Listen up you egotistical jerk, why can't you just leave her alone, Black, she's Remus' girlfriend.

**Upset that I don't hit on you anymore, Evans, your always number one in my books, I won't forget that night we spent together.**

What when we played exploding snap?

**Yeah it was so beautiful.**

You're such an annoyance!

**Who can resist the one and only Sirius Black?**

_**All these girls you claim to have slept with must be deluded.**_

**How can the whole school be deluded?**

_**So you've been with guys too?**_

**Yeah, and one of them was your boyfriend.**

_Idiot!_

**Yeah, I hate to break it to you, but Remmy is bisexual. **

_**When are you going to grow up?**_

**When you marry Pete and have nine kids.**

* * *

Sirius: what is your morning routine? Do you take hours to get ready? That could be part of why Remus thinks you're gay.

* * *

The morning is the most awful time of the day; we each get about five minutes on average in the bathroom, but Sirius gets five hours in the morning.

**You should wake up early like me.**

_No thanks; normal human beings do not get up at four in the morning. _

_**Well, he's not normal is he?**_

**You want my body, Mason.**

_**Yeah you're so sexy.**_

**She thinks I'm sexy Moony, watch out.**

_**I was being sarcastic you immature berk.**_

**I love you too.**

_**Care to tell us what you do for five hours in a bathroom?**_

**Simple, shower, washing hair, drying hair, fixing hair, shaving, brushing teeth and some other stuff.**

_You call that simple?!_

You shave everyday? I only shave once a week!

**Well that's how a get my lovely and soft skin that is lovely to stroke.**

_**And who'd want to stroke your ugly face.**_

**Er, everyone!**

Black, your morning routine is so pathetic.

**Hey! It takes time to look this good!**

_**Is that what you call good?**_

**No this is what I call; perfect, gorgeous, sexy, attractive, smart, fit, athletic, must I go on?**

No you mustn't because not one of those things is true.

**Do you enjoy yourself whilst you're insulting me?**

Yeah actually, it's a lot of fun.

__

**I agree!**

Sirius: I swear I'm not a crazed stalker who will shave off your eyebrows. So, when is our date?

* * *

_Padfoot, I don't think this girl is going to give up._

Yeah she wants you bad, Padfoot.

_**I can't imagine why, just look at his ugly face, why would anyone want to go out with that?**_

**Now lets see, im booked up with dates until 15****th**** of August.**

_That's a month away!_

_**How can so many girls want to go out with you?**_

**See I've been saying this all along, they want my body, they think im sexy. **

_**Remus, how can you be friends with that shallow prick?**_

**They must be blinded by my beauty.**

_More like blinded by your hideousness._

**Moonpie, we all no you think im gorgeous. **

_Yeah yeah, you're an oil painting._

**I knew you liked me. **

_I can't believe im having this discussion with one of my best friends._

**I'm one of your best friends? Oh im so touched!**

_Way to be sarcastic._

* * *

Sirius - which one of your cousins do you find the most attractive?

* * *

Oh, what a choice Bellatrix or Narcissa? There both beautiful.

_Isn't Andromeda his cousin too?_

**Yeah, she's the nicest, I'll pick Andromeda. **

Snivellus would pick Bellatrix. 

**Or Narcissa, their both Slytherin SCUM!**

_**Is that all you talk about? Slytherins and your sex life?**_

**Pretty much, my sex life is a very interesting topic, thank you very much.**

_**Have you dated a girl for more than a week?**_

**No, four days is my limit.**

I'll give you five galleons if you can stay with a girl for more than two weeks-

**Your on, I'll just go and find Katie, she'll stay with me even if I cheat on her.**

WITHOUT CHEATING ON HER!

**Ooer that going to be pretty hard, I don't want to ruin my reputation.**

_**What? For being the biggest man slut?**_

**Exactly.**

* * *

Thanks for reading! :)

I think I might end this fic after a couple more chapters, as some people have said that the jokes are getting too old, so I don't want you to find this fic boring. But what do you think? Are the jokes getting to old? Do you find it boring? It's totally up to you, if you want me to keep writing this I will, as personally I love writing it! :)

Please review. :)


	16. Chapter 16

I haven't given up on any of my fanfics I just haven't had time to update them. What with school and work I just haven't been able to find much time to get a chapter out, let alone trying to make it sound good. The holidays are coming up, if I have time I will try and update, thanks for all your reviews :) xx


	17. Chapter 17

THANKYOU TO -

BrokenSnow.X, terriisamazing, tatianacat271, Jasminny, Spongyllama, Hurricanes and Butterflies, Electrified, the garnetto, Syaz Avyen, , La tua Cantante101, yolapeoples, SerenaStarina, landmonster, TheNextCullen332, 94pinkflowers, sunshineonacloudyday, HPLUVR71495, forevermore2110, jemovampiress, Moonchild101713, writingmija, Cattiechaos, pottermate, konciawa, PeOtIcalLyPtheTic, Fantabulicious xx3, TheLastCrumpet, Xx-painajainen-xX, , Yummy Yummy Bubblegum, -'., HarryxPotterx4ever, ..x., AndIt'sBeginningToSnow, OoO-The-Melodicious-Nocturne-OoO, endeavor, SparxFlame, marauder till death, EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse, Queen Islanzadi, ElementUchihaMaster, PunkRock-Remedy, wannabe witch11, PocketfulOfSunshine95, writingqueen13, imagine everything and last but not least lollipopprongs !!!

Thankyou all so much for all of your AMAZING reviews.

I hope you enjoy the new chapter :)!

Sorry for not updating in absolute AGES! But here is the new chapter :-

Lily - Normal

Sirius - **Bold**

James - Normal underlined

Remus - _Italics_

Peter - _**Bold Italics **_

_**

* * *

**_

**This Advice thing, has been going on waaaaaay too long!**

Quit gas-bagging, we don't care!

**Prongs! Stop chatting shit!**

_Anyway, let's stray away from the two idiots to the first question._

_

* * *

_

Sirius - How is the staying off girls going?

* * *

**Sniff.**

What a wimp! It's only been six days! I waited for Lily for four years!

**James, you don't know how hard it is!**

**_Ew! Padfoot! We don't want to know whats going on in your pant-_**

As much as Sirius likes to discuss how 'big' it is, we shall refain and get back to the all important question.

**Oh, so it's not important how big my-**

SHUT UP!

_Well said!_

**_Now, Padfoot, describe how you feel._**

**What are you a psychiatrist?**

**_What are you? A man whore?_**

**Woah!**

**_Thought so._**

**I'm stunned.**

What at, Padfoot?

**HE THOUGHT OF A COMEBACK!**

My, my, I think you boys have a lot of growing up to do!

**Hey! I'm so mature!**

In who's world?

**I'm bored.**

I'm bored of you!

**I'm bored of having Lana as my girlfriend, how do you guys put up with having only one?**

There isn't anything about Lily that I can get bored of.

_Emma's really spontaneous. So we never do the same thing twice._

**I don't think I am made to have one girlfriend. The girls are lucky to have me here!**

I feel unlucky to have you next to me.

How can you be bored of Lana? She's perfect for you.

What? She has an I.Q of 10?

_No, but she is really into Quidditch._

And she's pretty, and not fat.

**I like variety James! It's not fun being with just one girl!**

I pity the girl you marry, Black.

**I doubt I will get married.**

That's good, you won't produce any more Sirius Blacks.

**I'd make a brilliant father.**

Don't make me laugh!

**Honestly, imagine having something as attractive as me in baby form.**

_It wouldn't stay a baby forever._

**_What would you do if it was ugly?_**

**With me as a dad?**

It could be ugly if you had an ugly wife.

**It wouldn't though would it. I only date hot girls.**

So you don't care if it is completey stupid as long as it's attractive?

**I could go out with a Ravenclaw. They are really intelligent and some of them look really hot in those dorky glasses.**

**_Have you ever been out with a Ravenclaw before?_**

**Of course, Pete! But all they do is sit reading, and when they do talk to you it's about knowledgable stuff that bores me.**

_I find them really interesting._

I want mine and Lily's kids to have her eyes.

God, James! We are only 17. I'm not about to pop out any kids.

**What about you Remmy?**

_What about me? _

**What do you want your kids to be like?**

_I doubt I will have kids in my condition._

_

* * *

_

Lily - What is the worst pick up line ever used on you?

* * *

Wow, there is a lot to choose form. Over the years James has used many terrible pick up lines on me.

Terrible? They were brilliant!

You call 'Can I have a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas', brilliant?

_Or what about one of the ones from fourth year? 'Nice face - wanna have dinner?'_

**You truly have a way with words Jamesy-boy!**

But I got her in the end, didn't I?

What's your best pick up line Sirius?

His range from 'Have you ever woke up next to a gorgeous man? Well, here's your chance!' 

_Or, just the simple 'Me, You, Broom Closet, Now!'_

**Hey! Stop mocking me, atleast they get to the point!**

It makes me wonder how girl's fall for it. I mean look at you, is there anything remotely good?

**Just look at my face Evans, you'll get the picture.**

Or look at mine, much better than a face like a slapped arse, or should I say - Sirius' face?

**Oi! I'll have you know, I have girls lining up to date me!**

How can you even call it a date?

_More like a brief encounter!_

**I like it better that way!**

**

* * *

**

Guys, why do you hate Snape?

* * *

I think just looking at him clears it up!

**I means, come on, there is his bad breath-**

VERY greasy hair-

**He smells awful-**

He is downright ugly-

**And last but not least, he is a Slytherin!**

Well, that's all well and good, but what on earth has he ever done to you?

**Just the fact that he exists really.**

_That is not a reason._

**Don't go sticking up for him Moony! You love us, not him!**

_Well obviously I like you guys much more, your my best friends._

**Just imagine what Sniv's kids would look like!**

I don't want to picture something so awful! Lily, we can have our kids before or after Sniv, we don't want our child to be forced to be in the same year as a thing like that!

James, Sirius, both of you really need to grow up, he hasn't done anything to-

Lily, my love, we know you don't like him anymore, so you don't need to defend him.

That doesn't mean you can make his life a misery by pranking him!

**Evans! Must you suck the fun out of everything?**

* * *

Sirius - why are you such a prat?

* * *

He can't help it, it's in his genes!

**I am the least pratty person ever.**

Who are you trying to fool?

_He can have his good days - once in a while._

**Thankyou, Moonpie!**

_I would like to remove my last statement. He is a prat. _

**You cut me deep, Moony. Just think where would you guys be without me?**

In peace!


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys! Here's a chapter for you... I'm sorry they are taking so long to get out. I'm trying my best :) I hope you enjoy this :D x**

* * *

**Mr. Sirius Black has arrived, ladies get ready to swoon!**

Miss Lily Evans has also arrived and is about to throw up at the sight of Mr. Sirius Black.

**You know what Evans? You can't annoy me today, my two weeks are up! Five galleons in my pocket and no more Lana! Can this day get any better?**

_Does Lana know about this?_

**No, should I tell her it's over, or should I just run from her when she comes near me? **

If I was Lana, I would actually want to kill you.

**Lana wouldn't kill me! She's part of my fanclub!**

Fanclub?

**Yeah, it's sort of a gang full of people who are in love with me.**

I know what a fanclub is, moron, I was wondering why you of all people have one.

Well, my lovely Lily, people see him as this 'gorgeous badboy' who apparently has the 'most sexiest hair in the school.'

**Jamesy-boy! I never knew you felt that way about me!**

You idiot, didn't you see my air quotes when I said it?

* * *

Sirius, are you sure you're not gay? I mean, I'm a girl and I don't even spend five hours in the bathroom in the morning.

* * *

**Why does everyone get to me about my morning routine?**

_Because, my friend, it's pathetic!_

**I mean, everyone tells me how good I look, you'd think they'd understand why I take so long.**

Padfoot! Me, Remus and Pete - well maybe just me and Remus, look good in the morning and it only takes us about half an hour.

**But listen to me Prongs! I GET LOADS OF GIRLS, YOU DON'T AND NOR DOES MOONY!**

_Calm down, Sirius. People are staring at us. Have you ever thought that the reason why me and James 'don't get loads of girls' is because we have girlfriends?_

**No, the reason why you have got girlfriends, was because you couldn't get any girls.**

**_Padfoot, that doesn't make any sense._**

**_Pete? Have you ever had a girlfriend?_**

**_No...uh..not recently._**

**My point exactly.**

It's not his fault he hasn't had a girlfriend.

**I know-**

For once, you are actually being nice to Pete?

**You didn't let me finish. I was going to say: I know, it's not his fault he's a little podgy around the edges.**

_Padfoot!_

**_Atleast he didn't say I was fat!_**

Peter, he basically said the same thing.

Moving on... and Sirius, dude, stop whining. You're my best mate but there's only so much a bloke can handle.

**No need to go on Prongs, I love you like a brother.**

Awwww Sirius, that's one of the nicest things i've ever heard you say... infact it's the only nice thing i've heard you say.

Thanks Padfoot :). 

**You're meant to say the feelings mutual!**

All right fine... the feelings..uh..mutual. 

_And after that lovely moment of Padfoot being mushy, we'll move on, as it doesn't suit him._

**You want me to say that I love you like a brother too, don't you Moony! I do!**

_Has someone spiked his pumpkin juice?_

_

* * *

_

Why, Wormtail, out of all the millions and billions of wicked cool creatures there are in the word, would you turn into a rat? I mean do you WANT people to pick on you? Atleast a stag and a dog are manly...

* * *

**_Who picks these questions?_**

**Someone who is very clever! To pick something as funny as that... haha!**

But come on, a stag is the ultimate MAN animal! Dogs have fleas and rats are just ugly.

How do you know you don't turn into a doe?

What's a doe?

A female deer.

**Hahahaha!**

_That would be funny!_

I turn into a man-deer! A stag!

**_Are you sure that you're deer has antlers?_**

Shut up! Rat face!

**But come on James! Be serious, a huge, tough, agressive dog is the ultimate MAN animal, especially when I growl!**

You're delusional.

**You're right... want to be delusional with me? In let's say the broom cupboard?**

Padfoot... lay off.

**I can't anyway, I'm meeting Lauren and then Ashley.**

Oh, I'm so upset you won't be able to meet me!

**You're sarcasm is noted, Lilykins!**

**

* * *

**

You guys really seem to annoy each other. Can you actually state one thing you like about eachother?

* * *

**We don't annoy eachother...**

_That's what you think Padfoot._

Well, this question is hard. How on earth am I supposed to pick just one thing I like about Sirius?

**I liked the dramatic eye roll there Lily.**

**_I like Sirius' inability to stay with one girl._**

**We just proved that I can in mine and Prongsie's little bet. Anyway Pete, this is just a reason why you admire me and want to be me... so you could finally get some action!**

You never know Sirius, maybe he want to stay celibate until he gets married.

**I could never do that! I think i'd die.**

There's more to life than seeing how many girls you can get with Sirius!

**One of my most important pieces of advice, is try before you buy Lily. You don't want to get married and then find out that they are crap!**

Lovely, that's a nice way to think.

**Well, its true...**

I'm sure James and Remus don't think like that!

**Oh, come on! EVERY guy thinks like that!**

James? Remus?

_Uh..._

Next question!

Would you ever join You-Know-Who?

* * *

**NEVER!**

That guy is seriously messed up. All this I-hate-muggles-and-muggleborns buisness is stupid.

I wonder why people do join him. I mean it can't be much fun can it?

_It's terrible. Joining him would be like kissing goodbye to all of your friends and family._

**_It's bad._**

**Is that all you can say, mate? Just think if I was still in with my family they'd probably be expecting me to sign up any time soon!**

Do you think old Reggy-poo will?

**I'm sure of it.**

It must be awful being related to people like that Sirius.

**As far as I'm concerned I'm not related to them. **

As far as I'm concerned you're part of my family! You all are, and I could never see any of you joining You-Know-Who.

* * *

_I don't think I could either._

**Hey, Lily, if I'm part of James' family, when you and Prongs get married, you'll be like my sister-in-law!**

Joy!

* * *

**I think I prefer Sirius in a happy, annoying mood. Rather than remembering his family. But it has to be done... I guess. But he's still my favourite!!**

**I really hope you have enjoyed this. And please review :)**

**xx**


	19. Chapter 19

Hi guys :)! It's been a long time since I even attempted writing fanfiction. BUT, I hope you enjoy this anyway. Sorry for not updating in... well, years. :) x

Lily - Normal

Sirius - **Bold**

James - Normal underlined

Remus - _Italics_

Peter - _**Bold Italics**_

* * *

**Hey Moony, where's your hot property of a girlfriend today?**

_You know full well that we broke up, Padfoot._

You broke up? Why?

_Things were getting too serious, so I ended it._

She was really torn up about it though mate.

Are you scared of commitment, Remus?

**I've been telling you all along that he is exactly like me underneath. Moony, you're a sly one, old boy.**

Old boy?

**I dunno, it sort of fitted with Moony being a sexual predator and all.**

_For the last time, please stop telling people that. And PLEASE stop telling people that I aspire to be like you._

_**There would be some pro's to being Sirius.**_

Which are immensely outweighed by the cons.

**Thank you, Wormtail! Finally someone is coming around to my way of thinking.**

Only because he is too stupid to realise what it would actually be like to be you.

**Oh, come on! EVERYONE wants to be like me!**

Sometimes I worry about you. Either you're really thick, or just plain old deluded.

**Evans, I know that you're dating my best mate and all, but there is no need to hide your feelings from me!**

Yes, because you're the first person I want to discuss my feelings with.

**Wormtail does.**

Honestly Wormtail, what good is that? I doubt you'd gain any knowledge from the prat.

_They are both dunderheads, how come we have never come across one of your little 'sessions'?_

**Wormtail and I do it away from prying eyes and open ears.**

Black, talking like that makes it seem like you and Peter are in a sexual relationship.

_Well, that's one thing I would gouge my eyes out for so I would never have to witness it._

**I'd rather have you, Remmy-boy. – Suggestive wink – **

You really are immature.

**You know I'm only having a laugh.**

That could really toy with Moony's emotions.

You did not just say that, James.

Moony knows I'm only messing, it's what guys do.

**It's not like he's going to cry.**

Or hate us forever.

**But just imagine if he did!**

_Shut up, Padfoot, my head is actually pounding from the sound of your voice._

**No! Listen it's like a movie. A young boy becomes so depressed, because his friends taunt him for being gay, when all he wants to do is tell his exceptionally good looking and muscular best friend that he loves him. He becomes so upset that he cries all the time and then comes the shocking event of him throwing himself off of the Astronomy tower, where he unfortunately falls into the Black Lake and into the mouth of the Giant Squid.**

Are you sure you haven't written that about yourself?

**Oh yeah, and who would be the 'exceptionally good looking and muscular best friend'?**

Me?

**You don't give off the bad boy vibe well enough, I mean you wear glasses and have stupid hair.**

_Calm down you two, Padfoot that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard._

Thank you Moony, I knew you would agree that I could portray the best friend remarkably well.

_I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about the idiotic story that Mr. Moron over there thought of._

**Hey! It could happen**, **I think we should all take it in turns to follow Moony around, for his own safety.**

_Yes because you never know, if I can't take it any more you may see me walking off towards the Astronomy tower._

Moving on... Has anyone else thought of answering some questions?

* * *

Question: Everyone except Sirius – Why do you take the crap that Sirius gives you? If I were you I would have killed him by now!

* * *

**This person is clearly deluded, none of you have thought about killing me.**

You must be the one who is deluded.

**Why?**

There are many times when I have thought about killing you.

**Evans! I am shocked!**

I think my favourite one was feeding you to a pack of centaurs.

_Mine was chucking you off of the Astronomy tower._

**Haha, mine was – **

**You've all thought about killing me?**

**We wouldn't actually do them!**

**Don't worry Pete. I know why you've all thought of these things.**

_Because you're incredibly annoying?_

Because you're a man whore?

**No, because you all feel threatened by me!**

What?

**Well, Remus and Pete do because girls would rather have me than them. You'd want to because I'm your equal: at Quidditch, at getting girls, at the 'who can flick the peas the furthest in the Great Hall' game etc. And Lily probably wants to kill me because Prongs loves me more than her.**

Honestly Sirius, I'm sure James likes us both the same.

**I'm not convinced. James?**

I love you both.

**You must love one of us more! Cough-Me-cough!**

_Padfoot, we all like each other equally._

Exactly.

**Okay then. If we were both drowning and you had no wand, who would you jump in for and try and save first?**

Stop it, you moron.

Choose wisely.

**Evans! I never knew you had it in you!**

I'd probably die trying to save you both.

Awwww, that's so sweet.

**No it isn't! That's such a cop-out, four eyes!**

* * *

Question: Lily – Have you ever sat down and discussed James' flaws?

* * *

I don't have any flaws!

I've tried and failed to do this many of times.

**Get over it Lils, me and Prongs are just flawless human beings.**

I'd say that Remus would be closer to being flawless than you two berks. He's a better human being than you, Sirius.

**I'm a great human being!**

_I have quite a few flaws, I'm afraid Lily._

Just because you have a furry little problem doesn't mean you're a bad person.

**Yeah, you're a good person for 353 days of the year.**

**It's just when you have your time of the month.**

You know, many females refer to their menstrual cycle as their 'time of the month'.

**And?**

Well, when people hear you talking about it in the common room, it sounds like Remus is on his period or something.

**Ha! Remmy-boy is a woman!**

_You're more of a woman than me, Padfoot._

**For the last time, just because I take care of my appearance does not mean that I am a woman.**

I think it's more of the fact that from the back someone could mistake you for a woman. Your hair needs cutting mate.

**I'm too muscular and sexy to look like a woman.**

Maybe you just look like a butch lesbian from the back then.

**I'm not butch! I'm toned. Do you want to see my six pack?**

Not really. Please put your shirt back on.

_Madam Pince will come over in a minute if you don't put it back on._

**She would love it! I'm one sexy piece of ass!**

**Do you think if I was good at Quidditch I would lose weight?**

**No it wouldn't make any difference with the amount of shit you eat.**

_You're one to talk Padfoot, if anyone eats excessive amounts of food it's you. You're a pig._

**Yes, but my body is amazing, as you've just seen.**

We have seen it every morning since we started Hogwarts, because you refuse to wear pyjamas.

Ew, remind me never to go into your dormitory in the mornings.

**You don't need to wait until the mornings, Lilykins, we can go up to my dorm now and I'll give you a private show. **

That sounds wonderful, there's just one small problem.

**What?**

I'm dating you're best friend.

**That doesn't bother me.**

* * *

**Well, I hope you enjoyed it, I'll try and update a bit more often :). I hope you still all enjoy this, but I think I'll be drawing it to a close sometime soon... please review with some question etc. **

**P.S I just want you to know that I don't think Remus would be scared of commitment, and think he wouldn't have wanted a serious girlfriend because he wouldn't want to hurt her with his condition, and all the problems it would produce from getting close to someone.**

**AND...**

**One last thing, with the whole thing of Sirius asking James who he loved more, I genuinely don't think James would have picked between Sirius and Lily.**

**Thanks again! :) xxxx**


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